The Jungle

*This is edited to inform you all that I actually wrote this last Thursday with intentions of posting on Friday.  However, the technology stars were not aligned in my favor and half the post was deleted.  So after throwing a fat tantrum about the unfairness of it all, I put on my big girl panties and rewrote it. today.  Here you go: 

Duuuuuuuuude.  You guys, this was another crazy week filled with weirdness and emergencies.  I actually wrote an entire post about it, but in the end decided that all's well that ends well.  However, because I'm not a big enough person to completely pass up the chance to complain, can I just tell you that the last 7 days have included a multi-state power outage (in 118 degree heat), an ambulance trip to Loma Linda for Roo (who is fine now), the 9/11 anniversary, and a situation that involved one of my children doodling a penis onto a paper placemat at an Italian restaurant (said child defended herself by pointing out that she was merely completing the sketch of the Statue of David on the placemat.  I didn't know that there would be a down side to exposing your children to classical art at an early age, but I guess this would be it.)

As I said, all's well that ends well.  Moving on......

Yesterday, my friend posted a link to this Blog here.  It's a great article about how we should all hang on to that optimism and spirit of awesomeness that we have when we're five.  It's very inspiring, and judging from the comments left under it, very helpful to a lot of people.  I have to admit though, I read it and thought "Yes, well, that's all sweet and good until you grow up and reality bites you in the ass."  (I know. I know.  It's just that sometimes I feel like I have a little ball of meanness inside me that needs to be cold and cynical in the face of hope and goodness.)

Anyway, my thinking was wrong, I admit it.  I knew it when I thought it, and then I really knew it when I scrolled down through the comments and saw that someone else had voiced the same thought I had and was called an asshole by other readers.  So I'm sorry.  I guess my mindset hasn't been primed in the last few weeks for sunshine and optimism.  However, I found myself thinking about the article for the rest of the day.  There was something about it that was bugging me.  I realized what it was later in the day when I was tutoring my middle school client.

To give you some background, I've worked with this student for the past 3 years.  He's a great kid and he has a great family, but I'm pretty sure that right now he's not "feeling his awesomeness"(to reference the article).  While I was working with him, it came out that he's been unhappy at school. His good friend from last year is being homeschooled this year.  The social circle that he hung with last year is making it clear to him that without his friend, they don't want him around. He's got learning disabilities that make him a little bit different.  On top of that he's got 14 year old boy hormones.  In other words, he's a perfect storm of social awkwardness right now.   I went home feeling so sad for him and complained to Mr. C about the meanness of middle school social dynamics.  Mr. C, who is about 98.9% practical and 1.1% emotional, responded with "Yes, but that's the jungle."

He's right. He works at least 8 hours a day in the high school version of the jungle, so he would know.  Of course, that doesn't make it all right.  But I realized right then what my main problem was with the article.   I can tell my client how smart and funny and original he is (and I did), but at that age, not only will he not believe me, he's not going to feel any better either.  His parents have talked to him, but do you remember how lame you thought adults were when you were in Middle School?  Your peers were the rulers of your kingdom.  Is it fair or realistic to expect a child at that age to be able to roll things like that off their back?  It's hard enough for me, as an adult, to be objective about people who don't think I'm AHEM, awesome.  And anyway, don't we learn how to navigate ourselves socially by the reactions of those around us?  It's great to believe in ourselves, and the author of Waking Up Full of Awesome made a good point of saying that we can't let other's decide our value, but I think this point would be more realistic if we lived in a society where people were taught to honor other people's awesome, even when they can't see it.


I know.  Just between you and me, and taking into consideration my experience with the general public, honoring the idiots whom we may encounter is our daily life IS SO FREAKIN' HARD!

There's this quote though, that I found the other day and it relates to this.  Actually, it's not so much a quote as a summarization of some bible verses.  It says "You can develop a healthy, robust community that lives right with God and enjoy it's results only if you do the hard work of getting along with each other, and treat each other with dignity honor and respect."  I love this because it acknowledges that getting along with others is hard work.  You don't have to be on board with God to know that that is true.  People are stupid.  People are really stupid.   However, it's important to remember that everyone has a story.  There's a whole web of reasons for why people behave and do things the way they do- we all have different values, different cultures, different beliefs, even just different moods.  It makes it hard to relate to one another, and then typically we get mean.  We yell, we exclude, we gossip, we stereotype.  We try and take away their awesome.  We make The Jungle a hairier place to be.

So, in light of the trouble my tutoring client is experiencing, I'm going to make a renewed effort to respect and honor the people I encounter out there in The Jungle.  I'm going to try to be a better example for my children where this is concerned.  I don't have high expectations for myself.  Like I said, it's hard.  I can't think of many people in my world who've successfully exemplified the spirit of unconditional respect and love for others except maybe Ghandi and Mother Theresa.  However, the next time I step out of my home and encounter a rude person in the grocery store, or an obnoxious parent of one of my kids' classmates, or a lame driver on the road, I'll try to remember to respect their inner awesome.

I don't know though.  Mother Theresa nor Ghandi really had to drive around Palm Springs during season with all the Snow Birds and their big, fat, Cadillacs.  I'll try though.

I will try.

I will try.

I will TRY.   

You all have a good night.