Hello, Goodbye

I'm dedicating this post to my friend, Tina, who always read my posts, always had a kind word in the comments, and who will be missed by myself and many others. Rest in Peace, sweet lady.  



Today was a sad day. I woke up to a text letting me know that a mom-friend of mine had passed away last night from a brain tumor. She left behind a young daughter, and while I wasn't close to her, my friends and I have been supporting her since her diagnosis.  I'm sad that she lost her battle, because I know how badly she wanted to win it.  I tell you, I am so sick of cancer. Brain cancer, especially.

Then another friend of mine, with two sweet, sweet girls that my kids adore, texted that they will be moving out of state this summer.  I'm going to miss them.  I also had my last session with a client who I started working with when he was in fourth grade. He just finished his junior year and is on his own now, so we said farewell. And then, to top it all off, I was to take Roo to a goodbye party for a family who we've done two years of soccer and three years of preschool with.  They're moving out of state too. (Does everyone in their thirties and forties experience high volume of their friends moving, or is it just the desert? I really want to know.)

The whole theme of the day was goodbye, goodbye, goodbye.  All on one day, thank you Universe! It started weighing on me as I was getting ready for the party.  Everyone leaving was going to a better place and was happy about it (with the exception of my friend with cancer, who I'm sure would have rather stayed with her daughter), but I wasn't feeling happy. I was feeling weepy and heavy-hearted. I started worrying about my demeanor at the party- Roo was coming with me, so I couldn't walk in already a mess- I had to put on a cheerful face for her. Plus, my damn hormones are working against me this week (although I hate blaming my irrational feelings on hormones. It makes me feel so irrational.)

So, as it was, I was struggling to keep my thoughts positive and be happy, happy, happy when Roo walked in carrying the card she had made for her friend who was moving.  She opened it up to show me what it said inside:

Oh, the sweetness. It kills me.

The Kindergarten scrawl.  The message.  The picture of them in matching dresses, carrying purses, for God's sake.  Sweet Jesus on a bicycle. It was too much for my fragile state.

Choking back sobs, I threw my sunglasses on my face to hide my red eyes and towed Roo to the car, where we drove to the party.  When we got there, I did this stupid thing where I accidentally transposed the numbers on the address and knocked on the wrong door.  We waited forever, and right when I started walking away, the door opened and a nice lady pointed us in the right direction. I just brushed it off, but Roo embarrasses easily and followed behind, giving me abashed looks from beneath her eyelashes.

This time we knocked on the right door, but again, it took a long time to open.  When it did, my friend, the one throwing the party for the departing family, opened it with a lovely smile and said, "Hi! How are you? You've got the wrong day."

To which I answered, "No, I don't." Because besides being overly-emotional and weepy, I am apparently also arrogant.  I'm wrong? No surely, you, the hostess, the organizer, the PERSON WHO LIVES HERE, is wrong.

And bless her heart, she just smiled and said, "No, it's next month. July 6th. But come on in."

Then she let us into her home while I fumbled around my phone to pull up the date, still intending to show her she was wrong.  I found the text, and there it was, Monday JULY 6th.  So, I have some bad news for you. If you're my friend, we're going to have to find another way for us to communicate addresses, dates....basically anything with numbers.  Evidence shows that the traditional way of passing this type of information to me is ineffective.  We should try Braille, maybe?

Roo followed me back to the car, and if she was abashed last time, by now she was just kind of disgusted. Her look said "Lady, just WHAT is your major malfunction, because we knocked on two doors, and there wasn't a party behind either of them!"

She may never look at me as an authority figure ever again.

Here's the reason I'm telling you all this: when we got back in the car, I was thinking a lot of things. I was thinking that it was good that I had another month before I had to say goodbye to this family. I was thinking how nice my friend was for not calling me out on my crazy on her doorstep.  I was wondering how Roo felt, seeing her mom make not one, but two, embarrassing screw ups.  And, I also was thinking that I wanted to talk to you guys again, here on the blog.

I always think of writing here, but in the past four months I just haven't. It's nothing more complicated or simpler than that. I haven't, but I think of it all the time.  Today I needed this space to explain myself, and sure I could've written a short status on FB: "Feeling super sad today. Saying goodbye to too many friends!" But besides being slightly obscure- and I've come to detest obscure Facebook status'- it's kind of begging for attention. I know at least a few of my friends would respond with condolences and support, and while there is nothing wrong with that- I always appreciate it- it's not what I need. Condolences should go to Tina's family and friends, they are the ones who need them.  My friends are happy about their moves, and after I get over myself, I'll be happy for them too. In fact, that's already happened. As for my client, I know I made a difference with him, and that's all I need. But it's nice to have space (976 words worth, and counting) to tell the longer story. I missed this space. It's nice to come back to it.

And I thank you, for visiting it.

Have a good night.