Dangling Participles and Unfortunate Nonsense

Sorry in advance. This is going to be one of those non-posts that I put up until I really sit down and write something. I don't know what's going on with me, but lately I can't get focused to sit and write. If I didn't know better, I'd worry that I had scatter prego brain. Thankfully, Mr. C took care of any possibility of that being the case shortly after we were surprised with Roo, so it's unfortunately fortunate that I can't blame a fetus or embryo or hormones or something. Or would that be fortunately unfortunate?

In any case, you know what I mean. And maybe you just noticed (as I did) what a funky word fortunate is. Serious. Type it a few times. It's weird. For-choo-nut. Weird.

Anyway.

As I was reading through the last few posts, I noticed a few EMBARRASSING mistakes. No, it wasn't all the misplaced commas. Those are there in every post because in first grade my teacher gave me the bad advice to insert commas wherever it sounds like a breath should be taken. This is how I learned to write, I can't unlearn it, and despite all the red pen I received all over my college papers, I remain confused about where commas go. Also, as long as we're talking about it, those dangling participles aren't going anywhere either. Those I know about, but refuse to acknowledge because the term itself sounds like something that should be clipped off of a hairy dog's hiney. Perhaps, if one day the snobby grammar professors at Harvard or whatever think of a new name for them, I'll reconsider and remove them. Until then, they stay.

Wow. I digressed.

What I wanted to do tonight is clarify the following:

In my first Finger Food Friday post, I mentioned that my friend who's husband is from Santa Fe, got me the chicken sauce as a gift. You may have read this and thought "Who the heck cares about where her friend's hubs is from?". I forgot to mention that it was relevant because in Santa Fe, apparently the locals put hot sauce on everything. They are hot sauce connoisseurs. So she, myfriendwho'shusbandisfromSantaFe, knows a lot about hot sauce. That's all.

Whew. Glad we cleared that up.

Also, in my last post, you know- the one I forgot to title because I was so exhausted? I mean, I was really exhausted. It was exhausting writing how exhausted I was and that must be how I used the single word exhausted 5 times in one post. Exhausting! Next time I promise to edit myself a little better and also make use of my handy dandy thesaurus. So sorry.

Okay, that's all for tonight. I'll post Finger Food Friday on Sunday this week, because Mr. C is taking the older kiddos out for their annual camping trip. That means it's me and Roo together for a full week. I don't know if I can handle all her cuteness alone, but I'm going to give it a try. At the very least, let's all hope that I can focus a bit better and actually write something worth your time. (Yes, you! Thank you for reading! And for putting up with misplaced commas and dangling whatevers. I heart you, I heart you, I heart you!)

You all have a good night!

Hey all.

I'm just checking in with no major plans of any kind of substantial post tonight. The last few days have been exhausting, and I'm incapable of writing anything interesting at the moment.

I know. You're probably thinking "When has that stopped you before?" The only answer I have for you is that there is indeed, a first time for everything.

So, on Sunday and Monday I went back to my hometown of Burbank. I met up with some old friends at BJ's and tried to catch up with everyone while the rest of the restaurant loudly watched the Laker's game. I had a good time, despite the fact that I spent half the time trying to read my friend's lips because I couldn't hear a dang thing being said. Hi Ann! Hi Amy b! Loved chatting/shouting with you guys.

On Monday me and the old friends went to a taping of the Chelsea Lately show, where we were used and abused by the world's most ridiculous security guards. I seriously thought Chelsea was secretly taping us as a prank to see how long it would take for someone to knock one of those morons out. Alas, no cameraman ever popped out from the bushes. Those guys were for real, and I spent the majority of my afternoon seeking revenge by mentally composing a mean tell-all blog post about them. It's coming soon.

They obviously didn't know who they were messing with.

Tuesday was normal, except I was exhausted from my busy two days of relaxing in B-town with no children or husband to worry about. And then today Mr. C and I had to drive to Victorville for a memorial service. I spent the whole day meeting in-laws and relatives and trying to remember everyone's names and connections. It's exhausting. I used to get annoyed with Mr. C because I still had to give him the who's who rundown on our way to family functions, and this was 5 years into our marriage. So today I ate a nice big slice of humble pie and apologized to him because now I understand how difficult it can be.

That's the kind of understanding wife I am.

He's a lucky s.o.b.

So. I realize that this list may not sound very exhausting to you. It blows my mind to think that in my early 20's I'd probably be able to do everything mentioned above in a shorter time period with less sleep, and then have energy for a Vegas trip on top of that. But now I am old. I am old and I am no longer fun.

So this is as much as this fuddy duddy is going to write tonight.

Sweet dreams, you all!

Finger Food Friday on Saturday

Hi all.

So, I think that this summer I'm going to do a little series called "Finger Food Friday". I've decided to do this for a few reasons:

1. I've become obsessed with Pioneer Woman and her cooking blogs. I love the step by step pictures that she takes- in fact, anytime I follow a recipe out of a book now I feel like I'm cooking blind. So I thought it may be fun to emulate my new blogging heroine here on Meanie Mom.

2. While I try to cook somewhat healthy the rest of the week, Friday is a fun day where I usually try to change things up at dinner. And I think "Finger Food Friday" sound more interesting than "Way Healthy Wednesday" or "Leftover Thursday".

3. Sometimes I just can't think of anything to write about. FFF is my cop out move.

By the way, Finger Food Friday will rarely be posted on an actual Friday. This is because Friday evenings are for me, Mr. C, the couch, and Netflix. But that doesn't mean that you can't try out these recipes yourself on the next Friday.

I mean, if you want.

So. Getting back to it.

This last Friday we were in the mood for something Mexican, so I decided to do a recipe from my Rachael Ray Cooking Around the Clock Cookbook. We had Chili Dog Nachos, which sound kinda gross but taste pretty good. 2/3 of my family liked them, anyway. But we'll get around to that part. Here's how you start:

Take one pound of ground beef and brown it in a skillet:

Hmmm. One thing I'm already learning here is that Pioneer Woman has cookware that is a lot newer and better looking than mine. Please excuse my old rusty skillet. And my less than appetizing camera shots.

Then, add the salt and pepper and continue browning the beef:

Don't worry. It'll start to look more appetizing soon.

Next, cut up 3 hot dogs into 1 inch slices. Watch out for babies who sneak raw dogs into their little mouths.

Kids, don't try this at home. Hot dogs are choking hazards, don't you know?

Next, cut up a red onion.

Flash was a little too bright on this one. Darn.

Add the hot dogs and onions to the pan. Then, add 2 tablespoons of chili powder and 1 1/2 teaspoons of cumin.

See? It's starting to look a little better.

Then, add 2 tablespoons of Worcestshire sauce. (Did I spell that right? Cuz I'm feeling a little too lazy to go into the pantry and check.

And an 8 oz. can of tomato sauce.

Stir it all together. Then, you put a lid on it and let it simmer for 8-10 minutes.

Oh dear. That picture does nothing to show how yummy this smells right about now.

There you go. Maybe that helps.

Also, I'm starting to realize that Pioneer Woman is a much better housekeeper than I. Her photos never show dirty stovetops or rotting bananas. Please excuse. (P.S.- technically, bananas never go "rotten" around here- we just say that they're destined for "smoothie status".)

Anyway, the next step is to put your chips into casserole dishes.

Top with the chili...

And 2 cups of grated sharp cheddar...

And broil until the cheese melts and the tips of some chips turn a nice, toasty brown.

In the meantime, cut up some watermelon (cuz if you're like me, by Friday you're too tired to battle with your kids about eating vegetables).

Well, this pic came out nice at least.

Then, serve it up. Your nachos should look like this, except please replace the faces of Princess G and 9 with those of your own family:

Serve on paper plates. Who wants to do dishes on Friday? Also, please note the bottle of hot sauce to the left of the nachos. You see it? Yes? Good! My friend, whose husband was born in Santa Fe has got me addicted to it. I don't know what the real name of it is since all the writing on the front is in chinese, but we call it Chicken Sauce because of the picture of the chicken on the bottle. It is YUMMY. You must go out and buy some today. Your taste buds will thank you.

So, there it is. My first cooking post. Finger Food Friday. On Saturday.

I did learn a few things. Like, a) I need to become a better photographer if I want to make my dishes appear appetizing. and b) I need to become a better housekeeper if I want to make my dishes appear appetizing. But, hey, it's a start.

Also, the part about 2/3 of my family liking it.... I was a total pain at the table and continued shooting footage of the feast.

J gave it a thumbs up:

9 gave it a thumbs up and an eye roll:

PG gave it a half thumbs up, which is actually a compliment from Princess Picky.

Roo was too busy eating to give me a thumbs up.

And Mr. C said, "Put down the camera and start eating already."

But he liked it. I myself thought it was a little too dry. I grew up in the valley eating Tommy's Chili Fries. Blame Tommy, but I like my nachos super messy. Lesson learned for next time.

Thanks for bearing with me through all this! You all have a good night!

What I'll Miss

Good news, everyone.

This friday will officially mark the end of the end-of-the-year whirlwind for all members of our household. Hooray! In the last 2 weeks, we've had J's preschool promotion, PG's kindergarten program, 9's award ceremony (no graduation for 8th graders around here- what's up with that?), and one high school graduation for Mr. C's students. Mixed in with all these ceremonies, there have also been 2 trips to the water park, one trip to Magic Mountain, one night out at miniature golf/go carts, 2 water days, one picnic day, and 2 pajama/movie days. Whew.

Come next Monday, we will officially be On Summer Vacation. Really, this means that for the next 9 weeks my family and I will be stuck indoors together while the temp climbs up to 120 outside. (In the early years of our marriage, this almost was the end of Mr. C and I. However, we've since smartened up and learned to plan, plan, plan, and for god's sake LEAVE THE HOUSE as often as possible.)

Anyway, as much as I really am looking forward to our summer plans, today after Roo and I dropped J off at preschool, I looked down at our shadows on the sidewalk. And that's when I realized....

this I will miss.

Three hours of uninterrupted alone time with my Baby Roo while every one is at school. She's going to be so much bigger at the end of summer. I just hope that no matter how busy we get, no matter where we go or what we're doing, I'll remember to stop and give her an extra squeeze now and then.

Cuz I'd like to think that she's going to miss it too.

You all have a good night!

Hard Ass

The other week I was having a lunch meeting with some other board members from my MOMS Club. We were meeting at a little pizza joint- not like the mouse place-whose-name-I-can't-even-say-without-getting-the-heebie-jeebies- but a little place where the food is good and the local business people go to grab something on their lunch.

All the moms brought their kids and they all played together at the table behind us while we went over business. Suddenly, I looked up and Princess G was chasing another little girl around the restaurant. Now, Princess G is six. She is big enough to know better. So I called her over and the exact words that came out of my mouth were these:

"What do you think you are doing? We are in a restaurant! You know better than to run in a place like this! People are trying to enjoy their food! Now go sit down and color. I don't want to see that again."

Stern? Yes, but I believe it was called for. I wasn't yelling, I was speaking to her calmly, but I made sure my face showed my disproval. She was embarrassed in front of her friends, and to that I say, ooooh well. I know that if there's a next time she'll remember the reprimand and stop her behavior on her own.

The thing is though, that after I reprimanded her like that, I felt bad- like the other moms were judging me for being too stern. That could have totally been my own insecurities, and I'm hoping it was, but once again it made me wonder if I'm the only parent nowadays who follows a kind of old fashioned parenting philosophy. I love my children, but I'm keeping in mind as I raise them that my whole goal with this parenting business is to raise them into happy and responsible adults. This means they have chores. This means that they hear the word 'no'. And this means that they understand that our household is not a democracy. They're the kids, we're the adults and they're joining our schedule- not the other way around.

In other words, I'm a hard ass.

Sometimes I feel very alone in this philosophy. Every time I get that chain email that talks about how parents should say "yes" to their children as often as possible, I can't help but feel the need to vomit. Yet, I have friends who'll respond to that email and report things like "This really was amazing! Just today alone we baked cookies, went swimming, looked at clouds, read 5 books, did 3 puzzles...." and the list will go on and on. To this I say, WHAT? Are they insane? That sounds completely exhausting! I feed my kids. I clothe my kids. I take them to school, to the park, on vacations, to friend's houses. We read books at bedtime, go swimming, have family game night, and various other activities. But please shoot me if there comes a day in which I feel guilty for doing something of my own on my own time. Not to mention, I can only imagine what kind of kid I would have if they expected all my time and attention to be on them day in and out.

You know what? Never mind. I don't have to imagine. I've met a few of those kids during my teaching career. No. Thank. You.

Yet I can't help but wonder if I'm a bad parent for feeling this way... the only parent who feels this way.

Then I read The Three Martini Playdate; A Practical Guide to Happy Parenting, by Christie Mellor.

And I did rejoice, because HALLELUJAH someone feels the exact same way as I do about this parenting stuff and they were nice enough to write a book about it!

I've been laughing all morning while reading her. Some of her chapters include: The Childproof House: How to Know If You've Gone Too Far, Child Labor: Not Just For The Third World, Diaper Bag or Steamer Trunk, and Self-Esteem and Other Overrated Concepts.

While she's very tongue in cheek (at least I hope so- I can't get on board with training my children to bring me a daily cocktail at 4p.m), her logic is so... logical. Here's an excerpt from her introduction:

"There is no guilt in craving social situations that aren't wholly centered around everyone's children. There is no shame in explaining to your children that they should go and find Something to Do, that the grown ups are having grownup talk, that they, the little children, need to go somewhere and be little children. Whether you would like to share a portion of you time with one grown up or a party of them, or simply enjoy a moment alone, it is time to exert a little autonomy and encourage some in your child."

Amen, sister! Thank you! I am so glad I'm not the only mommy who feels this way. And while I do believe that girl likes her vermouth a little too much (there's one too many drinking references for me to believe otherwise), I know I'll be thinking of this book the next time I tell my kid that they can either put their toys away or watch 'em get thrown away. Or when I tell them to eat what's on their plate or go hungry. Or to leave me alone for a half hour while I read.

You get the idea.

You all have a good night!

Brain Dump

No, not "dump" in the potty sense of the word. Did your brain go there? To be honest, I wouldn't blame you. I've realized that in the last month of this blog, many of my post titles have consisted of words like "tits", "hell", and "Corona". It's time this mama cleans up her act, lest people start picturing me as a chain smoking, leather clad, biker mama.

Actually, I'm not even sure if the biker crowd would even touch a Corona, which I guess makes it a pretty safe bet that no one is ever going to confuse me for a biker chick.

Anyway.

This is literally, a brain dump. I have a bunch of little things to tell you, and there is not one single unifying thought in any of it. Yet I feel the need to express it all.

Here goes:

We're not going to China. The decision was made for us by the people who do the hiring at the American school in Shanghai. They hired a teacher who was already over there and did not have a family to transport. To be honest, I'm a step below elated and a step above relieved about this.

Still haven't heard anything from the job I applied for. Goodbye pedicure dreams, wardrobe dreams, and nanny dreams. Sniff. Sniff.

The end of this school year is killing me. It seems like everyday we've got some kind of ceremony or event to go to. At this point, I've sat through one end of the year preschool program, one Farewell to Kindergarten program (sorry guys- no Tooty Ta footage), and one of the longest middle school award ceremonies in history. Seriously, listen to this: On top of the regular awards, the principal had all FIFTY SIX teachers on his staff come to the podium and one by one present an award personally to 3 different students. That's 168 short speeches in all. My butt is still numb.

I had to tutor tonight, so I left Mr. C a note in the fridge, taped to his beer. It said, "Chicken in Crock Pot, salad in fridge, all you have to do is make the rolls." Next to this, I left the cylinder of Pillsbury Crescent Rolls. I came home to flat little baked triangles. I think he thought they were going to spring up and roll themselves into the appropriate shapes while baking.

I want to shave J's head for summertime and post the footage on here. I'm still trying to talk him into it.

Princess G and I were hanging out in the pool the other day and she said "Mom, it's not fair that some things can fly and walk."

I love that she thinks about stuff like that.

And that's all my tired brain can handle right now.

You all have a good night.

The Stop Button

When I was a little girl, my dad used to pull me onto his lap in the EZ chair and tell me that there was a button in my ear that would make me stop growing. He would always threaten to push it. Looking back on it, I guess it was sweet but at the time it scared the H out of me. What could be more scary to a kid than staying little while everyone around you grows up? And that was just one of the ways he messed with my head when I was small. The others included him putting a nylon stocking over his head, silently entering a room, and not answering when me and my sisters would be all, "Cut it out, dad! Dad? Is that really you? DAAAAAD!" (This he did for kicks. Sicko.)

My childhood was warped in many ways, I tell you.

Many ways.

Anyway, this has been a big week for us in our nutty household. 9 had his 14th birthday and Princess G had her "Farewell to Kindergarten" program at school. Can someone please tell me how can it be that this kid, who looked like this when I married his dad......

be as tall as me with broad shoulders and a deep voice?

And how could my little baby girl, who once looked like this.....

now be big enough to do this?

Someone push the STOP button, fast!

Please? Because I'm pretty sure my heart will be in pieces by the time Roo is 18.

You all have a good night!