This Would Be Called Denial

You know what just occurred to me?  This is the first time that I've had a 3 year old without having an infant to care for too.  I've always had another baby coming up behind, and now for the first time, I don't.

This lack of a younger sibling has been very hard on Roo.  It explains a lot of her negative behavior lately.  Like, why she won't let me walk around with her on my hip anymore.

Or why she won't let me feed her.

She's insisting on picking out her own outfits and putting on her own shoes.  Can you believe that?

She even has her own opinions about when it's okay for me to land a squishy kiss against her cheeks.

Really, I am just about at my wit's end.

To make things worse, I am pretty sure that we took this picture yesterday:

And then today, she had the nerve to show up looking like this: 

What in the world is going on? I think she's playing mind tricks on me, and I don't find it funny.  

Not one bit.  

Someone?  Anyone?  Help me, please.  I'm in foreign territory here; at a complete loss.  Tell me:

What's a mother to do without a baby to baby?  

*By the way, if you were going to tell me to have another one, save your breath.  Factory is closed, though it's too bad. That factory did put out some pretty cute products.  

Why A Cave Would Be Good Idea Right Now

Well, here's the other reason why I hate my white tile floors.

See that?  That is in the middle of my kitchen/dining area.  If I had taken a picture of it yesterday, you would've seen that the tiles had popped up off the glue and buckled- causing a kind of little "tile tent" in the middle of my floor.  Here's the really stupid thing:  This is the 3rd? 4th? time that this has happened since our house was built in 2004.  Each time, we called the builder who brought out the tile guy, who redid his work.  Each time the builder and the tile guy acted baffled by what was going on and hinted that it was somehow our fault (WHAT?) that the tile was popping off the concrete.  However, they always agreed to just redo the work free of cost- out of the goodness of their own hearts.

Bless them.  (If you didn't read that with a sarcastic tone, then go back and reread it accordingly.  Because that's how I meant it- sarcastically.)

So this story gets stupider.  After talking to our neighbors, we found that there were not one, not two, not three, but FOUR other homeowners on our block with our model that have had the same problem.

Hmmmmmmmm.

Needless to say, the tile company and the private builder are both out of business and nowhere to be found.  Home warranty was only good for a year after move in date (How stupid and naive we were when we bought this house).  Homeowner insurance doesn't cover this.  Our neighbors who did begin litigation got their floor redone, but they ended up paying more out of pocket to lawyers.

So.

I started calling around and thankfully got some good recommendations from friends.  After talking with two different tilers yesterday to get estimates, we found out that the guy not only used cheap glue, but he didn't use proper proportions when mixing the grout.   What's more (and this is the root of the entire problem) is that we learned that he tiled directly onto the expansion joints in our floor.  Someone who knew what he was doing would've known to put down an "uncoupling mat" between the joints and the tile, which would have absorbed the energy and movement from the earth, instead of just letting the pressure build up in the tiles until they popped.

Good to know.

The silver lining in all this mess is that this happened at a time of year when we have our tax refund handy to help with the expenses.  I've been trying to focus on that, instead of just complaining and whining about the situation.  However, sometimes I let myself slide into that nice, dark, place deep down where rolling around in the negative muck of it all gratifies.  (Why does the dark side feel so gratifying?  And why does being all Pollyanna about this feel so irritating?  These are things I wish I knew the answer to.)

While I was down there I started thinking about gas prices.  Then I started thinking about what a friend of mine said when I was complaining about the current cost of living.  She said "Well, you shouldn't have had so many kids.", which really, was the most unhelpful stupid statement ever.

(By the way, YOU. You who said that to me- I'm reconsidering our friendship, okay?  You suck.)

Then I started thinking about how, last I checked this was a free country and why should I have to feel  bad about having 4 kids and a floor to fix?

Then I went out to the gas station and was cut off by a Snowbird (not an actual bird, I'm referring to the  retirees who live part time  in our desert during the winter months) from Washington and I especially hate Washingtonians right now because the last time Mr. C went to Costco, one yelled at him for not returning the shopping cart to the proper place.  Way to crap on someone's day, Washiontonian dude.  Mr. C usually does return the shopping carts, but he had a car full of kids waiting and really WHO CARES? 

Then it occurred to me that I may just be the tiniest bit hormonal.  So I decided to just vent it all out on this post and spend the rest of the weekend holed up in my house with it's crappy floors until I can be nice again.  A glass or two of wine may help.  And yes, kettle chips.

Always the kettle chips.

LA-Z Boy And Other Fashion Disasters

Hi.

I just have a silly post to share with you tonight, which I kind of feel bad about because the last post I wrote brought a lot of feedback- not necessarily in the form of comments, but in phone calls, messages, and face-to-face conversations.  By the way, do you all know how much I love it when people want to talk to me about what I write?  I'm like Bette Midler in Beaches, "But enough about me.  Let's talk about you.  What do you think of me?" It's so completely narcissistic.  You should know, however, that I do try to negate the narcissism with the mere awareness of the narcissism.  Can a person really be a narcissist if they realize they're being narcissistic?

If a tree falls in an empty forest, does it really make a sound?

I don't know where I'm going with this.  But I do thank you for your feedback.  Even when it's not positive, I still love it (As long as it's not mean.  Please don't be mean.  I'm still not a big enough person to handle meanness in a mature manner.)

Anyway, another blogger once wrote that writing a post and not receiving any comments is like "throwing a party and watching at the window as everybody just drives by".  She nailed it exactly.  So thank you and please keep the comments coming!  

Anyway, blah, blah, blah.  Let me get back to my intro.  What I was saying is that I feel like I should write something a little more clever and thought provoking than what I'm about to write.  But I'm not.  I'm writing about something that has been bumping around in my head ever since I wrote Happy Pants.  This is a silly post about clothes.  Not just any clothes, I'm talking about those clothes.  You know... those clothes?  The clothing items that maybe, perhaps, are owned and loved by your spouse  that you secretly dream of burning and then taking the ashes to a field so a tractor can run over them and then a horse or two can crap on them before the whole mess decomposes into muddy soil?

You know?  Those clothes?

 I remember a fight that my parents had in the late 70's/early 80's that was caused by such an item of clothing.  It was a shirt my mom had.  In fact, she wore it almost every day as part of her "housewife" uniform.  It doesn't look that bad from the front.  In fact, I have a picture of it here*:

Shoot.  It's blurry.  What it says is "Okay America, Show Us Your......"

Those three little dots are like the modern day version of "Wait for it....." cuz on the back there was this:

In case you can't tell, that's the outline of a butt.  And my mom wore it proudly over her Jordache jeans, despite my dad's protests that it was a tacky shirt.  I think I remember her arguing back that she got it free because she bought some Hanes Her Way underwear.  I don't know.  

To be honest, as a kid, I didn't even realize it was supposed to be a butt.  Maybe I just thought it was a big W with the word "Underalls" in it.  I've always been on a little slow on the uptake. 

Anyway.  So then I grew up, got married, and learned that my own husband owned a shirt that was equally, if not more, tacky. 

Yup.  There it is. LA-Z Boy Furniture Gallery.  

He got that at the Goodwill, which, you know....(sigh)  I have nothing against the Good Will.  It's just that this shirt, with it's holes, and worn down, see thru material... it needs all the help it can get.  Knowing that someone else wore it long enough to the point where they decided it was Good Will material and that my husband then dropped his 75 cents and has been wearing it every weekend makes me feel like I need to follow him around with a can of Lysol.  

Sometimes I do, but only on the sly. 

Here's the other thing I hate about this shirt:  the fact that it says LA Z Boy.  Mr. C is not really lazy, but sometimes when he's laying on the couch, wearing that shirt, beer in hand, it's like the shirt is egging me on.   In my head I can almost hear the chanting: "Lazy boy!  Lazy boy!  You're married to a lazy boy!"  

So I get testy.  Do you blame me?  

Don't answer that.  

Anyway, that's it.  My silly little post.  Feel free to share any clothing stories that you may have.  I, personally, do not possess any  embarrassing clothing items...... ahem!....that are worn on the outside.  

(There is something to be said for elastic waistbands that reach over your belly button, but you didn't hear it from me.)

Have a good night!   

*Disclaimer- I know posting this picture is going to make my sister mad.  I'm doing it anyway because I'm a big sister and well, that's just what I do.  Can someone who knew us back in the day please help this situation by vouching that she was never really that chubby?  It's just a weird camera angle, I swear.

Jake On A Plane

Hi.

By any chance would you like to hear about my most despicable, hateful, stressful, abhorrent, absolute worst hour of parenting ever?  It happened in 2007.  I know that's an awfully long time to wait to complain about it (especially for a whiner like me), but I do have a reason for sharing this particular story now, tonight.  It'll all come together by the end of this post.

I'm hoping.

Okay.  In June, 2007, Mr. C had taken PG and 9 camping out in New Mexico.  The plan was that I would fly with J to meet up with them in Colorado Springs, CO to visit some friends.  At the time J was 10 months old, so I was a little leery of flying with him by myself.  I wisely took my mother along to help me.  The month prior I spent reading and researching the FAA rules and tips for flying with children, as well as gathering lots of advice from friends who'd traveled with their children.  I learned that a) I should be prepared for anything b) I needed to dress him in little slip-off sandals for security and c) that it was best to book a flight close to his naptime, if possible.

Done, done, and done.

The day of the flight, I entered the terminal with 1 collapsable stroller, 1 overstuffed diaper bag, 1 helpful grandmother, 1 ten month old toddler who, by the way, had just learned to walk two weeks before, and a whole lot of false-bravado.

I had a plan.  Oh yes, I had a plan.  My plan was that I was going to let him run free in the terminal (with me following him around, of course), so that he would exhaust his energy.  Then, just before we boarded, I planned to give him a bottle (one of the 3 extra that I had packed), so that he would have a nice, full, sleepy tummy by the time we boarded.  Then I planned that he would snuggle quietly in my arms and sleep for the duration of the flight.

That was my plan.

Here's what happened:  Everything went great in the terminal.  I followed him while he tottered around, flirting with everyone and charming them with his big brown eyes and curly golden locks.  I gave him a bottle right before we boarded, while chatting with an elderly couple who had approached me to say what a sweet little boy he was.

Then we got on the plane and the plane.... well, for whatever inconvenient reason, it sat on the tarmac.

And it sat.  And it sat.

That was the least of my worries, because as it turned out, this boy of mine had no intention of going to sleep.  It had never occurred to me that airplanes with their rows of windows and people and lights and mysterious buttons everywhere could be so exciting to a toddler.  To distract him, I read all 5 of his favorite board books and ended up giving him the 2 extra emergency bottles, all before take off.  By the time we finally got in the air, the blond little cherub that had amused everyone in terminal had launched himself into a full blown Jack-Jack attack.  I was mortified horrified completely stressed out.  He screamed, he scratched, he kicked, then he screamed some more.  My mother and I tried singing, rocking, shh-ing- everything short of muffling him.  And believe me, I wanted to try muffling him (as did probably everyone else on the plane), but had just enough of my wits left  to know that that wouldn't end well.  

By the time the plane pulled into the Vegas airport an hour later for our layover, I was a stressed out mess.  Actually, that is a HUGE understatement.  Let me paint a better picture for you:

J, in his tantrum, had pulled his signature move of clawing at his skin- something he did all the time when he was an infant and his skin allergies were bugging him- so he had blood (BLOOD!) streaked across his cheeks.  As for me, besides having his tears and snot smeared all over my shirt, sweat stains down my back, and streaked mascara, I was fighting the ugly cry.

We all know that the only thing uglier than the ugly cry is the face that you make when you're trying to fight off the ugly cry.  We all know that, right?  It's true.

So, to end this story, J did finally snuggle up to me and sleep through the second leg of the flight (With the help of Benadryl, I am not ashamed to admit.  Go ahead, judge me.  I dare you.)  When we arrived in Colorado, I informed my husband that I would not EVER get on a plane with J again until he was at least 10 years old, and I have yet to change my mind about this.  We refer to the above described incident as "Jake on a Plane", and I hope that when he gets older and has kids of his own, that they are just as terrible and rotten on their first plane ride as he was on his.

I'm serious.  I'm holding on to this grudge.

So here's why I told you this story:  Today I read this article on the Today website about a couple who were kicked off a plane because their 2 year old was throwing a tantrum.
http://todaytravel.today.msnbc.msn.com/_news/2012/03/12/10651930-family-removed-from-plane-due-to-unruly-toddler-wanted-a-little-bit-of-humanity

Now look.  Maybe the airline was too aggressive in their actions against the family, or maybe the child really was posing a security threat with her tantrum.  Maybe that toddler was just having a bad moment, or maybe she's always a total brat- I don't know.  That's not here or there.  What I'm interested in pointing out is that while reading through the comments underneath the article, I really GOT for the first time, the level of prejudice that our society has against children.  

Before I get into this any deeper, let me explain to you the point of view I'm coming from.  I'm a parent with fairly high expectations of her own kids.  Basically, I feel like if my kids are not a pleasure for other adults to be around the majority of the time, then I am failing in some way.  I believe kids should be polite, and I definitely think they should be respectful- but I'm raising them this way because I feel  that's how adults should be as well.  One of my biggest parenting pet peeves is when people excuse poor behavior by saying "Oh, they're just being kids."  I always want to say, "Um, yes.... but it's our job to teach them when that kind of behavior is not okay!"  So I'm kind of a hard ass that way.  Yet, when I was reading through the comments on the above mentioned article, I was disturbed at the outright hatred being voiced towards children and their parents.  What's more, I began to feel angry at all the people who insist that parents should "control their children".

People.  You can control your cars.  You can control your bank account.  You can control your calorie intake (or maybe you can't).  But one thing I've learned as a parent, is that children can not be controlled.  They are independent beings.  They have their own minds, their own thoughts, their own mobility, and their own ability to speak, move about, cry, laugh, throw tantrums, tell jokes, laugh, be rowdy, or be calm.  You can influence them strongly by whatever means you choose, may that be modeling, threatening, bribing, rewarding, or cajoling.  You can prepare for or anticipate their reactions to a situation.  You can set limits, you can set boundaries, and you can set consequences.  In fact, if you're smart, that's what you'll do.  (Read that again if you didn't catch it the first time, because that's key.)  But no matter what, your kid has free will to chose how he's going to react to your expectations.   Think about it- try to recall a bad decision you made as a child.  Were your parents really in control of that decision, or did you make it independently?  

Furthermore, when we're talking about children 3 and under, the game is a little different.  These guys don't operate with the same set of logic that we do. It's one of those things that make them sweet and their perspectives funny- until they're on a plane and start throwing a fit.  Boundaries, limits, and consequences will do you no good in the middle of an airplane, or in the middle of a grocery store, or the bank, or library, or wherever you happen to be.  The best thing you can do in those situations is to leave and pray that there are understanding people around you.

Which brings me back to my point- prejudice against children in society.  I've had my fair share of judgmental looks from people in public.  I don't know a parent who hasn't.  What I don't get is society's expectation of children.  Someone with a gentler perspective in the article's comments brought up that we wouldn't ask an elderly person or a handicapped person to disembark a plane because of their limits, yet we expect babies and toddlers to have the same abilities as adults when it comes to handling their emotions?  And what's more, we're going to blame the parents when babies act like babies?

Listen, I know people don't like being around screaming children.  When I was on that plane with J, I felt terrible that everyone was subject to his tantrum.  That was where 100% of my stress was coming from.  If it had been only me and him on that plane by ourselves, I wouldn't have even broken a sweat, having had dealt with plenty of tantrums on our home turf.  However, I need to point out that children are part of our society.  We all need to get used to it.  People are so loud in their advocacy for tolerance of all kinds of sects of society- gay, the elderly, African Americans, physically disabled, mentally disabled, etc.  What about children?  Why is okay to voice intolerance against them?  

I know, especially having been a teacher, that often times children's behavior is a reflection of their parent's skills as parents.  I knew that when I had a kind, compassionate, intelligent student that the chances were he/she had great parents, and that when I had a belligerent disobedient kid, his parents probably weren't so good at the whole "rules and consequences" thing.  But that's overall.  All I'm saying here is that when you see a child misbehaving in public, you are likely not seeing overall.  You are seeing a sliver of their day.  You are witnessing the child making a bad choice, or a baby just being a baby.  So reserve your judgement and grow some tolerance, okay?

Sheesh.  

(Oh, I'm just kidding about the sheesh part.  I love you guys for reading- all 20 of you.  Really.  I appreciate it.  Thank you and have a good night!)

Davey Jones Sits In My Soul (It's News to Me, Too)

So, Davey Jones died.
I'm not even a Monkee's fan.  In fact, I prefer to think that I'm a little too young to be a Monkees fan.  However, Davey Jones' death made me sad.  At first it just made me sad because I had to actually explain to my kids that the news wasn't referring to the Davey Jones from Pirates of the Carribbean-  and once they understood that the pirate dude with the octopus beard was still alive and kicking, they lost interest. While they continued on in their quest to take over my entire household with legos, I watched them and sorrowfully shook my head at the knowledge that they would never know the hilarity of linking arms with their friends and doing that crazy side-stepping Monkee walk down a beach.

Hey hey, we're the Monkees!

Really, what kind of childhood can one have without that?

Then, as my day continued, I began to understand the second reason why I was feeling this loss.  It's because it's linked to one of my  favorite childhood magic memory moments.  You have any of those?  It's those memories where nothing significant is really occurring, but for some reason you've always remembered it.  Like, how I felt at the exact moment when I was 7 and I found a book in the library that contained a character with my weird name.  Or holding my dad's hand when I was 5 and leaping over cracks in the sidewalk.  Those kind of memories.  Do you know what I'm talking about?  They aren't life changing-memories, just defining ones.  They stay with you.

For me, I will always associate Davey Jones with my friend Aimee's living room.  I spent the night at her house a lot, especially in the summer.  And when we woke up in the morning, we watched reruns of the Monkees. (Then we would switch to Divorce Court, then Donahue, and then Days of our Lives.  Summertime was very busy for us.)

For some reason I remember sitting on her couch on those mornings in my pajamas.  I usually had a bowl of soggy, yet cherished, Life cereal in my lap. (My parents would only buy Grape Nuts, which means I basically ate a bowl of gravel every morning of my childhood.)  Her front door was usually open, and the sounds and smells of the morning came in through the screen.  Birds, cars going by, lawn mowers running, those kinds of things.

By the way, have you guys ever noticed how, when you were a kid,  the air smelled different in the summertime?  Especially in the mornings?  I find it strange that I don't really notice the way air smells at all anymore. Maybe that's just something you pay more attention to when you're a kid.  At any rate, I can remember exactly the way it felt, sitting there with our feet propped up on the coffee table, eating our cereal, and watching The Monkees.  I even remember the pattern of shadows the sun made on the living room floor.  Isn't that weird that I can remember that?

But I do.

It's such a simple memory, but it's one I'm glad I have.  It's one of those that kind of just sit in the middle of my soul. And some how I know that if that memory didn't exist for me, I'd be a touch of a different person.  So thank you, my friend Aimee.  Thank you, pajamas.  Thank you, bowl of cereal.  Thank you summer mornings.  And thank you, Davey Jones.

This Is The Engine That Mom Built

 
   Hi!  You should know that as I write this, I am having a romantic evening with myself.  It's not as kinky as it sounds.  Mr. C went camping and decided to take PG at the last minute, and 9 has been in Sacramento learning the wily ways of our state legislature.  This has left me with 2 littles, which I thought would be a breeze.  Turns out it was not the cake walk I had anticipated.  No sir.  That 5 year old of mine?  He's a chatty dude.  Like, he never stops talking.  It's mentally exhausting.  Plus, he was sick for the first day and a half.  And here's something I thought I'd never complain about- the 3 year old is overly affectionate.  After explaining for the 15th time that "it's not hugging if it hurts", and "my body is not a jungle gym for you to climb on",  I feel as if I may lash out viciously at anyone who dares approach me from behind.
     That is why tonight, after I put the kids to bed, I lit candles, dimmed lights, poured a glass of wine, and now, here I sit: me, the laptop, and peaceful quiet.
      By the way, it just occurred to me that 10 years ago, I would've labeled exactly what I just described as "another depressing Friday night at home". The irony.  It's not lost on me.
     Anyway, this is the season when Mr. C is gone a lot, and in my years of being home with the kids, I have learned that on weekends such as these, it is best to plan, plan, plan.  Fill those days up with activities and friends and party, party, party because otherwise you run the risk of letting the children turn you into a Candyland playing, Nick Jr. watching  zombie.  That is why I decided to take them on Saturday to the Children's Discovery Museum.
     We have a great Discovery Museum out here.  The kids love it, and I was excited to see a new wing that had opened up a few months ago.  I had heard that it was geared towards older kids, but as we walked into it, I could see that there was plenty of interesting stuff for us to do.  We spent a full hour in the first room, which contained a lie detector and a safe-cracking activity. Here I learned that my kids are smooth liars and have potential in the criminal arts (and also made me wonder if the exhibit itself wasn't designed by a criminal).

Then we walked into the second room and there it was.  A sizable race track and a station for building your own motorized race car.

Uh oh.

I need to tell you something about myself.  I am a right brained person.  I am also pretty much a girly girl.  This means that I don't usually possess a natural and logical understanding of how things work.  In fact, I don't care how things work, as long as they do work.  If they happen to be pretty too, then that's all the better.   Building cars= not pretty, therefore it's not something in my realm of interest OR understanding.  Sure, yes, there were a few years in the mid-90's when I tried to be interested in cars, but that was only because I was dating a .....gear head?  Grease monkey?  I don't even know the right lingo.  What I do know however, is that from that relationship I acquired the lifetime knowledge of being able to tell the difference between a big block and small block engine.  I have no idea what these engines are capable of, or what their differences are beyond their looks, but by God, lift the hood of any hot rod, and I can tell you if it's a big or small block engine.  And that knowledge my friends, I will hang on to for the rest of my life, because it is the extent of any and all knowledge that I possess about car engines, period.

Unfortunately, on this day in the museum, the teeny tiny motors that were sitting in the bin of the assembling station didn't resemble either a big block nor a small block engine, so any hope of my being saved by my pathetic pool of background knowledge was lost.   Also my excited 5 year old informed me that he didn't only want to build a race car, he wanted to build the fastest race car there.  The pressure was on.

So I sat down with the kids at the building station.  I looked at the little bins of materials that were available.  They were labeled with parts like "wheel locks", "clamps", "rods", "gears", "pistons", and various other vocabulary that made my brain shut down in protest.

 Then I looked at the laminated mat of instructions- only 24 little steps.  I gave myself a little pep talk about how I've built LEGO sets with more steps.  I got this, I thought to myself.

And so I started.

Then I messed up, so I restarted.

Then I messed up again, and I restarted once more, this time with little beads of sweat forming on my brow.

While I was struggling with building that one car, a happy, loud, boisterous family came in and the dad swiftly built two cars for his kids while his wife sat back and watched with what I personally thought was just a bit too much of a smug expression.

(It's possible I was just projecting my insecurities at that point.)

The whole time, my children sat there patiently watching me while I tried very hard not to curse.

You know that feeling when you're trying to do something, and it's taking too long, and the longer it takes, the more you start to panic and the worse you get at whatever it is you're doing?

That was happening to me.  And by the way, there was a museum docent sitting not even 5 yards from me.  I know for a fact that they are placed around the museum to be of help when they see people who need it, yet I'm pretty sure that she made a conscious decision to not see me.  She just sat there picking at her cuticles the whole time.

See?  There she is.

I hate her.

Anyway, I finally FINALLY completed all the steps.  We took the race car over to the track and set it down where, much to J's disappointment and no surprise to me, it didn't work.  So I heaved a great sigh, hoping that the kids would say something like "That's okay mom.  Let's just do something else.", but of course, they didn't.  J said, "What's wrong with it?"  And I said, "I don't know."   So I pretended to tinker around with it some more, like I had any kind of idea of what I was doing.  And they waited and waited.  I couldn't believe how patient they were being.  (These were not the same kids who wake me up at 6:30 and ask at 6:35 when they're going to have breakfast.)

Finally, we walked it over to the track again.

And this is the part of the story where you'd think I could end with a statement about never giving up, and how patience will always see you through.  Maybe you're thinking that the car will finally work and I'll be a hero in my children's eyes.  Or, perhaps it's in your mind that the art docent would have finally gotten off her butt to lend a helping hand.

You'd be wrong on all accounts.

The car still didn't work.  So I turned to the kids and I said "Guys.  Here's the thing.  We can either stay here and wait for mommy to fix this, which may take a really, really long time.  OR we can get out of here and go to Red Robin for lunch."  To which Roo replied, "Red Robin!"

J said "Well, mom."  (By the way, he really talks like this- like a lawyer presenting his case) "You're giving me a hard choice, because I really want to see our car work.  But you're taking a long time and I'm getting really, REALLY hungry."
   
I said nothing and continued to look at him until he heaved his own sigh and said, "Red Robin."

Ladies and Gentlemen, what I present to you tonight is not a lesson about patience, perseverance, gender roles, or even hope.  No.  This is a lesson about accepting the limits of your loved ones.  My children gracefully accepted that their mother is useless when it comes to mechanical things, much in the same way that I accepted that the teenage art docent was determined to be a completely useless lump of living furniture.  Tough lesson, but one that is handy in life.

And it turns out that it was nothing a burger and milkshake couldn't make better.

Logging Off

Sometimes the internet makes me cranky.

Like, when a friend of mine posts something and I see a rude comment underneath by one of their friends.     Here's an example that I've been carrying around for a few months: a friend of mine posted "This is the only bad part about having a live Christmas tree.", and then she posted a picture of the mess of pine needles left on her carpet.  Funny, right?  Because it's relatable to people- especially house fraus like me- who understand the annoyance of finding pokey little pine needles embedded in the carpet months after the holidays are over.  But then a friend of hers posted underneath "That never happens to us!  Did you water it????"

Just like that- with 3 question marks- "Did you water it???".   I wanted to take those three question marks and beat that obnoxious person over the head with them.

Instead I just logged off.  Big girl points for me.

Then yesterday another friend of mine posted a picture of some really cute homemade valentines that she and her daughter made.  Someone commented "Wow.  Who has the time?" And I wanted to comment underneath, "Well, she does.  Obviously.  She made the time.  And there's nothing wrong with that, you rude RUDE insecure person!"

So, again, I log off.  More big girl points.

Then I click on over to Pinterest, and I try so hard to just look at the pretty pictures but sometimes, sometimes  I'll let some of the comments catch my eye and then I get sucked in.  It's amazing what people will find to argue about on Pinterest.  If someone puts up a pin of Tebow, you'll find a slew of mocking and derogatory comments from the Atheists.  When someone puts up a pin of a tattoo, there's likely some preachy and judgmental comments from the Christians.  Put up a pin of a fit girl, and you'll be lectured by the feminists about body image.  Put up a humorous pin of a baby, and someone'll find something in it that is disturbing or offensive to them.

It's ridiculous.  So I log off.

Then there's the blogs.  If you ever want to weep for humanity, read through the comments on some of the most popular ones.  You'll first be astonished at the variance of opinions a random sampling of society can have over the most mundane things, and then you'll be sad because you'll realize as you read through everyone arguing over why their point of view is right, that we'll never all get along.  Our individuality may be the core of our existence, but it's also the bane of our existence.

I think we've all had that point in our lives when we realize that the public, in general, is just stupid. For me, it was when I was waitressing. (Nothing like pouring endless cups of Sanka for cranky old people in Palm Springs to teach a girl that lesson. Someday I'll write a post about it.) The thing is, we used to have to leave our houses and go out into the world to experience that stupidity. Nowadays, it's at our fingertips.

Anyway, I'm sure some of you as you've been reading this are thinking "Girl just needs to get off the internet.  Sounds like she's on there too much."  And you're right.  Sometimes I am on too much.  I know that when I start to feel like an irritated, snappish, ball of nerves that I've been in front of the computer too much.  And you know how I get that way?  Because I've been reading comments written by people who were also irritated, snappish, balls of nerves.  I absorbed all their crappy energy.  So I look over at my kids who are happily building some legos or running off to play at the park next door, and I know that that's the kind of energy I need.

And so then I log off.