Dear Facebook Friend with the Strong Political Views,

Dear Facebook Friend with the Strong Political Views,

Can I be honest with you? I really REALLY hate it when I have a friend who I like just fine in the real world and then they ultimately ends up annoying the heck out of me in cyberspace. You, girlfriend, have crossed that line. And unless some serious corrective steps are taken, I’ma gonna have to delete you.

I mean it. You are really starting to bug me.

It’s not that I can’t appreciate an intellectual debate. Or a strong point if view, even when they are different from my own. Especially when they are different from my own. It’s just that EVERY SINGLE TIME I LOG ON I have to look at another status update in which you are either whining about something or demanding justice for someone- and quite frankly it’s bringing me down.

I log on to Facebook for the same reason that I believe most other people do- for a little fun and relaxing social networking. I scroll through my homepage and read what people are up to- who’s having what for dinner, who’s kid said something cute today, who’s got a date night with their hubby. I look through a few picture highlights. I check to see who’s climbed ahead of me on the Bejeweled Blitz Leader Board. But then, most days there’s you. Like a lump of black coal in a child’s Christmas stocking, there you are shouting your opinions all over my home page and demanding my attention, when all I really wanted to do was take some mindless quiz to find out what color my aura is.

What’s on your mind? Well in the past couple weeks I’ve seen you complain about organic farming, healthcare, childhood vaccinations, swine flu vaccinations, animal rights, , Katie Couric's interviewing techniques, media coverage of the President, and finally illegal alien rights. Then one of your friends piped in by saying that illegal aliens do in fact pay taxes, in the form of sales tax. I have no idea what that's about, but for now I'm just going to chalk it up to an embarrassing Facebook Faux Paux.

My point is that honey, you’re coming off like one of those people we all met in college (you know the type who didn’t wear makeup or animal byproducts) and are always marching for this or that, and protesting about this or that, and were always condescending to people about this or that. Those people never smiled. It’s time to lighten up, sister.

ANYWAY, I’m not saying that you shouldn’t care so heavily about the issues. I’m just saying that you’re using the wrong medium to express your views. Look, when I want to learn about “ISSUES” I turn on CNN or NPR. Occasionally I’ll have a discussion with a friend or family member. But when I log on to Facebook, I just want to RELAX. Maybe do a little light cyber stalking, but mostly I want to just relax. What you’re doing is a little much. Maybe you can tone it down to one issue a week? Or better yet, start a blog. That’s what they’re for. But until then, do me a favor and stay off my wall okay? That is, unless you have a good link to an E!News Weekly celebrity dish.

Thank you,

Meanie Mom

I Am Meanie Mom

Hey all.

So, I’m starting a blog. And while I have lots of ideas for this blog, it turns out that I haven't a clue on how to actually start it. You have no idea how many times I’ve rewritten this already. I guess I should start out by clarifying the name…

I’m not really a meanie mom. I got the term from a sitcom in which the term “meanie moms” refers to these stuck up-ish, yoga pant wearing, Pilates trained, back stabbing, trash talking, Land Rover driving, bitchy type moms with highlighted hair, manicured nails, and Blackberries. That is definitely not me. I’m not even sure mommies like that even really exist, although my friend who is a nanny in L.A. assures me they do. In fact, she laughs straight in my face when I question it and gives my naïve noggin a sweet little pat.

I’m really just a regular mom of 4 (one teenage step kid and 3 little ones of my own, ages 5 and under). I got inspired with this name one day because a Facebook acquaintance of mine posted that she had had “a mean mommy moment.” She didn’t elaborate nor did she need to- tons of moms responded because we all knew exactly what she meant. A Mean Mom Moment is when you are already running at your absolute wit’s end and you little ones choose to take that particular moment to do something that pushes you beyond your line of sanity. This may happen in any number of ways. My kids’ tactics of choice include:

A) Asking a stupid question (mom, why do we have to have toenails?)

OR

B) Complaining about something miniscule and unimportant (mo-om, why did she get TWO MORE chocolate chips on her waffle than I did?)

Sometimes they’re even able to combine these two tactics into a special double whammy that'll put you on the road to crazy in doubletime:

C) Asking a stupid question while complaining at the same time (Mom, how come you never explained to me why we have toenails? I thought you said we’d go to the library and look it up. We never do ANYTHING fun. )

Now remember, it’s only a meanie mom moment if they employ these tactics when you are already running on empty. The washing machine broke, the 3 year old has just spilled fruit punch all over the floor and the baby has crawled in it, the phone starts ringing, the TV’s blaring, and that's when your little nugget opts to start in with the inane questions and comments.

So what’s a mom to do? I’m convinced that 95% of us do this: “What? WhaT? WHAT? I DON’T KNOW! HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO KNOW THAT? GOD! CAN YOU PLEASE JUST DO SOMETHING USEFUL AND GET ME A TOWEL SO I CAN CLEAN UP THIS MESS?”

And that’s when the Meanie Mom guilt hits. You look at the tiny little face of this sweet child who just witnessed you going apeshit over a question about toenails. You see the hurt and the confusion and you realize that it’s not their fault that they’re not intelligent enough yet to know that when there’s obviously so many messes for mommy to clean and it’s still too early for her to pour herself a glass of wine, that’s it’s really just best for them to keep their tiny bow-shaped sweet lips zipped.

And somewhere between answering the phone and peeling the newly dyed pink onesie off the baby you start to really feel like a schmuck.

That’s a Mean Mom Moment. My day is peppered with them.

So, there it is. That’s why this is the Meanie Mom Diaries. I’m a meanie mom, but I don’t beat myself up too much. I’ve always figured that it’s better to cop to your weaknesses and learn from them rather than to strive to give the illusion of perfection. Perfection is boring. We may muddle through our days around here, but there’s plenty of funny and interesting stuff that happens. In fact, it’s enough so that I want to write about it- hopefully on a daily basis. So thanks for reading my blog!

I’ll be seeing you!