All the moms brought their kids and they all played together at the table behind us while we went over business. Suddenly, I looked up and Princess G was chasing another little girl around the restaurant. Now, Princess G is six. She is big enough to know better. So I called her over and the exact words that came out of my mouth were these:
"What do you think you are doing? We are in a restaurant! You know better than to run in a place like this! People are trying to enjoy their food! Now go sit down and color. I don't want to see that again."
Stern? Yes, but I believe it was called for. I wasn't yelling, I was speaking to her calmly, but I made sure my face showed my disproval. She was embarrassed in front of her friends, and to that I say, ooooh well. I know that if there's a next time she'll remember the reprimand and stop her behavior on her own.
The thing is though, that after I reprimanded her like that, I felt bad- like the other moms were judging me for being too stern. That could have totally been my own insecurities, and I'm hoping it was, but once again it made me wonder if I'm the only parent nowadays who follows a kind of old fashioned parenting philosophy. I love my children, but I'm keeping in mind as I raise them that my whole goal with this parenting business is to raise them into happy and responsible adults. This means they have chores. This means that they hear the word 'no'. And this means that they understand that our household is not a democracy. They're the kids, we're the adults and they're joining our schedule- not the other way around.
In other words, I'm a hard ass.
Sometimes I feel very alone in this philosophy. Every time I get that chain email that talks about how parents should say "yes" to their children as often as possible, I can't help but feel the need to vomit. Yet, I have friends who'll respond to that email and report things like "This really was amazing! Just today alone we baked cookies, went swimming, looked at clouds, read 5 books, did 3 puzzles...." and the list will go on and on. To this I say, WHAT? Are they insane? That sounds completely exhausting! I feed my kids. I clothe my kids. I take them to school, to the park, on vacations, to friend's houses. We read books at bedtime, go swimming, have family game night, and various other activities. But please shoot me if there comes a day in which I feel guilty for doing something of my own on my own time. Not to mention, I can only imagine what kind of kid I would have if they expected all my time and attention to be on them day in and out.
You know what? Never mind. I don't have to imagine. I've met a few of those kids during my teaching career. No. Thank. You.
Yet I can't help but wonder if I'm a bad parent for feeling this way... the only parent who feels this way.
Then I read The Three Martini Playdate; A Practical Guide to Happy Parenting, by Christie Mellor.
And I did rejoice, because HALLELUJAH someone feels the exact same way as I do about this parenting stuff and they were nice enough to write a book about it!
I've been laughing all morning while reading her. Some of her chapters include: The Childproof House: How to Know If You've Gone Too Far, Child Labor: Not Just For The Third World, Diaper Bag or Steamer Trunk, and Self-Esteem and Other Overrated Concepts.
While she's very tongue in cheek (at least I hope so- I can't get on board with training my children to bring me a daily cocktail at 4p.m), her logic is so... logical. Here's an excerpt from her introduction:
"There is no guilt in craving social situations that aren't wholly centered around everyone's children. There is no shame in explaining to your children that they should go and find Something to Do, that the grown ups are having grownup talk, that they, the little children, need to go somewhere and be little children. Whether you would like to share a portion of you time with one grown up or a party of them, or simply enjoy a moment alone, it is time to exert a little autonomy and encourage some in your child."
Amen, sister! Thank you! I am so glad I'm not the only mommy who feels this way. And while I do believe that girl likes her vermouth a little too much (there's one too many drinking references for me to believe otherwise), I know I'll be thinking of this book the next time I tell my kid that they can either put their toys away or watch 'em get thrown away. Or when I tell them to eat what's on their plate or go hungry. Or to leave me alone for a half hour while I read.
You get the idea.
You all have a good night!
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