Thanks all for your
concern and support regarding the break in. We’re all moving on.
I think the kids have more or less forgotten about it, and as for me,
while it’s still taking up too much head space, I’m trying not to let it affect
my mood or my outlook. This is easier said than done most of the time. I have to confess something to you: I
posted on FB a few days ago that I cleaned out my closet. The reason why I cleaned out my closet
was that…. well one, it was really messy and needed to be done, but reason
number two was that I actually found myself wondering what kind of judgments
the thieves passed on me when they saw the mess of shoes on my floor and the
pile of dirty clothes shoved in the corner.
I am totally aware of
how twisted this is. I may be the
only woman on the planet who would be motivated to clean her closet by the fear
that the punks who broke into her home would perchance dare to think her a slob.
I don’t know how I got
this way. I’m pretty sure it’s not
how I started out, and I blame the insanity of motherhood.
So be it.
Anyway. Turns out there more scary things out
there this week than break-ins. Do
you know what this is?
This would be a thigh
gap. Apparently, according to Lara
Spencer on Good Morning America, American teenage girls are obsessed with
it. More than anything else in the
world, America girls do not want their thighs to touch. In fact, the more inches of air space between
point A to B, the better.
So, yes, young women have
now invented yet another way to tear each other down and make themselves feel
inferior, insufficient, not enough
and it all depends on how much negative space one does or does not have between
her thighs.
Fabulous.
That’s not even the
worst part.
The interviewer asked
the group of girls if boys cared about thigh gaps. The girls all agreed that boys aren’t even aware of what
thigh gaps are, to which the interviewer replied: “ Well, if boys don’t care
about thigh gaps, why is it so important?”
Yes. Because if boys had an issue with thigh gap, then somehow this
stupid obsession would be more legitimate.
Do I really care about
this? No, not really. Am I surprised by it? No, not all. And I think you probably aren’t either. I suppose I can say that I speak for a
lot of women when I say that having been at this game for some time now, we all
know that it’s bullshit. Our
brains know that our bodies and their shapes do not in any way reflect our value
as humans, as friends, as wives, as mothers.
Except for one thing.
If my brain knows this,
then why (WHY) was it impossible to resist the temptation, upon my next trip to
the bathroom, to sneak a peek in the mirror to see whether I myself possessed a
thigh gap?
I’ll tell you why.
It’s because I know it, but I don’t know it.
The voice inside my head that tells me that I’m perfect the way I am-
with my flabby thighs, soft stomach and smile lines around my mouth and eyes-
is drowned out by the messages of the hundreds of sexy ads I’m bombared with
every day. It’s drowned out by the
voices of men in my life- some of whom I love very much- making negative
comments about other women’s bodies.
And it’s taken down to a whisper by voices of other women who critique themselves so strongly that I know they must be silently judging me in the same manner.
And the fact that my own
voice gets drowned out and looses it’s power? That’s scary.
Never before have I felt
more overwhelmed at the thought of raising a girl in this society.
PG happened to be in the
room eating her cereal when the whole thigh gap story was on, so I was able to
talk to her and tell her my problems with it. She listened and took in all that I had to say. It was nice. However, the time for that is SO limited. In a few short years, everything I say
will seem so lame to her and her friend's adolescent opinions will hold more
weight. How in the world am I going
to teach her to value herself in this superficial culture of ours? Especially when I myself still struggle
with it?
(By the way, I think I
may have a bit of an answer for that.
I think the best way for us to take the focus off of superficiality is
to engage in meaningful service to others. I guess you could say that it’s
ironic that I would choose service to others as a way of combating the “good
girls please others” mentality, BUT call me crazy....wouldn’t you think that it’d be hard to
worry about the size of your thigh gap if you were in the midst of helping
another survive for another day by providing them food or shelter or some other
necessity?)
Look. The reason I was compelled to look for
my own bullshit thigh gap is the same reason why I felt like I should have a
clean closet lest thieves break into my home again. It’s craziness, I know it’s craziness, but getting past the
I’ve been taught the “pleasing others” lesson looms nearly impossible for
me. Judging from the volume
of social media that zeroes in on a girl’s insecurities such as thigh gap , I’d
say it’s a difficult lesson for others to discard as well. Here we are, fifty years past the
women’s movement and our girls are still being taught the same lesson. We’ve just made the lesson more covert,
and they’ve just become more adept at reading between the lines
I don’t have anyway to
end this, except to restate what I’ve already said earlier in this post:
I don’t know how we got
this way. I’m pretty sure it’s not
how we started out. I blame the insanity of being a girl.
So be it.
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