Thursday, May 23, 2013

The Prom Fairy

Hello parents.
I have someone I'd like to introduce to you tonight.  She's very important- in fact, in terms of making the magic happen, she ranks up there with Santa Claus, The Tooth Fairy, and The Easter Bunny.

That's right, there's a new mythical creature in town and her name is The Prom Fairy.

Are you aware of her?

The Prom Fairy resides in a spacious high school gym in the sky where bright balloon arches and colorful crepe streamers flutter about in the breeze.  Rumor has it that little gnomes bustle about a garden assembling corsages from dusk to dawn, while an endless fleet of limousines are kept polished and shined by tiny worker elves.

What does the Prom Fairy do, you ask?

Well.  The Prom Fairy is responsible for not only making sure that corsages are ordered, but that they are ordered in the right colors.  She also picks up the corsages and ensures that they stay fresh by keeping them in the refrigerator, as opposed to on... oh, I don't know- the kitchen counter? (Not that I personally know any teen who would think that they would keep fresh on a counter in 100 degree weather. Nope. Not me.)

She makes sure that the tickets are bought.  She makes sure that the tux is rented.  She attends the fitting.  She also drives the Prom attendee to pick up the tux and grits her tiny little fairy teeth through 45 minutes of the worst customer service ever known to man.

But perhaps the most difficult part of the Prom Fairy's job is the eliciting of information and communication from the Prom attendee, who, tradition would have it, is usually a teenager.  This task requires an extraordinary amount of patience and strategy on the part of the Prom Fairy.

For example, it is not uncommon for the Prom attendee to treat the expected time of departure for Prom as if it's a highly guarded government secret.  This may cause some dismay and stress on the part of the attendees parents (who only want to make sure that they have enough time to capture memories on their digital cameras).  With determination and a few hysterical threats, the Prom Fairy can usually narrow down the ETD to an hour window, which the parents can usually- although reluctantly- deal with.

Prom attendees have also been known to wait until the last minute to make decisions about important things such as transportation.  I recently heard, through the grapevine of course, that she- the Prom Fairy- had a situation in which one of her attendees, despite his parent's pleas and inquiries, did not have a clue of how he was going to get he and his date to the event.  While he didn't seem too worried about it, his parents felt pretty stressed.  Thankfully, the Prom Fairy found a simple solution.  She informed the teenager that if was unable to make a plan, then he and his date would be welcome to go to Prom in the back of his parents minivan, chauffeured by his stepmother with his young siblings in tow.  She also informed him that his parents may or may not be moved to hang a giant disco ball in the van and blast Barry White throughout the entire trip.  Needless to say, the young attendee was motivated, and with a mere 18 hours to go before the start of Prom, cemented his own plans (which thankfully did not involve a minivan or Barry White).

It's my hope that you all, my readers, will embrace this new magical creature with open arms.  Make her feel welcome.  After all, look at how much we owe to her peers: what would the magic of Christmas be without Santa?  Who would buy the presents?  Who would bake the cookies?  Who would put together the bikes and stuff the stockings?  And what about the Easter Bunny?  What would Easter Sunday be without all that yummy chocolate and egg hunts?  Thank goodness the bunny takes care of all that for us!  And of course, there's the Tooth Fairy with her gold coins and dollar bills, standing diligently at our children's bedside.  Where would we be without her?

So thank you.  Thank you, Prom Fairy for all that you've done to make this household's Junior Prom a truly memorable experience.  You rock.




P.S- The secret subtitle to this post is "Dear Parents of the Class of 1992:  A Belated Thank You."
Thank you to my own Prom Fairies- aka Mom and Dad.




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