New Year, Old Me

Happy New Year, all!  Hope your holidays were filled with rest and relaxation.  Mine were- but that's because I learned several years ago to let go of the checklist and just do what I can.  I like to think that this attitude makes me sage and wise beyond my years-like I have things figured out ahead of the rest of y'all.  Then again, it could just be that this is my coping mechanism for when my back is up against the wall and the pressure is on.  I secretly dream that one day people will gaze at me in wonderment and think to themselves, "That Tacy!  Is she as wise as I think she is, or is she just incredibly lazy?"

I'll never tell which it is.

Speaking of sage and wise, 2014 is the year that many of my friends and I turn 40.   The number 40 as an age doesn't really bother me as much as what other people's perceptions of forty are.   While chatting with a group of moms at the park before preschool a few weeks ago, a young mom mentioned that she felt ostracized by the older moms at her son's previous school.  And then she said-and I swear to you that this is a direct quote- "I wanted to tell them 'Look!  I'm sorry you waited for such a long time before you had kids, but it's not my fault that I'm young.  Can't you be pleasant about it?'"

Now. I'd like to take a moment and ask all my fellow rickety, old, ancient parents in your late thirties and 40's out there..... what would you have done in this scenario?  Because my response was to laugh.  Don't worry, I didn't.  But I really did want to say "Are you sure it was your age that they had a problems with?"  I kept my mouth shut, and instead crossed my eyes in the direction of my friend sitting across from me (who then laughed and spit out her coffee).  Young spring chicken mom continued talking and had no idea of what was going on.

I'm telling you all this as a way to lead up to this article I read last Monday.  The title sums it up well: "40 Things I Can Do at 40 That I Couldn't Do When I Was 20".   I encourage you all to click over and read it because it was really eye-opening for me.  In fact, I had a little mini-epiphany over it:

Every year when my kids have a birthday, there is usually some discussion about things they are either looking forward to doing (later bed-time, start having overnights, etc.) or things that they already can do currently that weren't possible for them a year earlier (riding a bike, reading, anticipating when they're about to push their mother over the edge, ha!).  I realized they always view getting older as a positive thing because it means they are getting better/smarter/more independent/more mature.  After reading that article, I had to ask myself.... when was the last time I saw a birthday as a reason to celebrate my own self getting better/smarter/more mature?

The answer is that it has been a long, long, LONG time.

That's why I loved this article so much.  I needed to hear someone list all the positive things aging has given her in life.  I love that she listed "going out without makeup" as a perk of being forty.  I do that too, but I forgot the reason why- which is that I realized that makeup is for when I want to put it on, not when I feel that I have to put it on.  That affirmation would sometimes slip my mind when I'd do preschool drop off with a bare face and see the young pretty moms in full makeup.  My insecurities would rise and I'd tell myself that I was letting my looks slip in my old age.  This article reminded me of what I'd forgotten- that when it comes to beauty, there is no winning.  The best you can do is take ownership and mark your own course.

See?  I didn't know that when I was in my 20's. Damn, I've gotten smart.  I may even have that above statement stitched on a pillowcase.

Let's see.... what else can I do now that I couldn't at twenty?

I know!  I love that I don't feel the need to battle every battle nowadays.  My empathy has grown.  I know that everyone comes to the party with their own baggage, and that it's not important that people necessarily do the best they can, but that they do what they can with what they've got.  I don't hold them to the best they can, because honestly, I could probably do better every day if I wanted to, but that's kind of exhausting. I get it.  So doing what I can do and accepting the same from others is good enough for me.  Anything extra is a bonus.

Also, I can go to bed at 9:30 and not be embarrassed to admit it.  (Okay, I'm a little embarrassed, but not as much as I would've been when I was 20.)

Here's another one: I can see that when other people don't like something about me, it's usually a reflection of their own hang ups.  For example, going back to the makeup thing... if someone wants to judge me for not wearing makeup in public, it's because it's important to them to look their best all the time.  That's not my problem.

Oh yeah- I'm better at seeing when things are not my problem.

Also, I can see drama from a mile away and steer AWAY from it, instead of towards it.  (This development has been very refreshing.)

And last but not least, I can still be kind to people who've offended me in the past.  Like our "spring chicken" mom;  I'm still nice to her, despite the fact that I know she thinks I'm an washed-up, wrinkly, old crone.

And that's something I never would have done in my twenties.

Progress, my friends.  Embrace it.