Dear Mr. Nibbles

Dear Mr. Nibbles,

Well, it appears I owe you an apology. I can not express enough my heartfelt regret at the unfortunate events that unfolded tonight during the cleaning of your bowl. I assure you, I never, ever, in a million years would send you down the garbage disposal on purpose. In fact, I've told you before and I'll tell you again Mr. Nibbles, you are hands down my most favorite pet that resides in this household. You don't smell, your food is cheap, and you make my Princess G oh- so-happy just by being your swimmingly wonderful silent self.

It's just that, maybe next time I'm trying to pour you into another container so that I can do the one task of maintenance you require of me (to clean your bowl), you could oblige me by following the water. Cause you see, when you insist on staying in the bowl even after all the water has drained from it, it kind of freaks me out. I can't handle your frantic flopping, and that interferes with my ability to think clearly which is why I tend to do stupid things like turn your bowl upside down and try to shake you into the smaller container (while closing my eyes and squealing "ohmigodohmigodohmigod" over and over). So that's how you ended up in the drain stopper.

I'm so sorry. I know I was showing signs of foreward thinking by putting the drain stopper in before cleaning your bowl, so you may be wondering how it was that you still ended up in the garbage disposal.

Wellllllllllllllllllllllll.

The truth is, with all the water and the flopping and the ohmigods, things got a little crazy and I'm not sure how it happened, but the drain catcher turned a little sideways. Don't worry! You still landed in it, but Lord forgive me, I have to be honest here: Even as you were laying there sideways looking up patiently at me, even as I was yelling "oh sh*t, oh sh*t, oh sh*t!, which caused Princess G to come in, immediately guess what was going on, and burst into tears while lamenting your name repeatedly, even as all this was happening, I thought to myself, "I can't touch his slippery soft skin. I can't handle him flopping against my skin. I'll die. I know I will."

And that is when I did the most humane thing I thought I could do at that point. I turned on the water to wash you down the disposal.

Oh, God. Mr. Nibbles, I am so so sorry. I know it was fate that brought Mr. C home at that exact minute. I know that it was fate that made him brave enough to stick his hand down the garbage disposal and (literally) fish you out, thus making him a hero in his little girl's eyes. I know that because of this, you probably like him better than me now. I'm okay with that. I accept it.

I just hope that in the future we can work through our trust issues and once again be pals. Because I really do like you, Mr. Nibbles. I really do.

Regretfully Yours,

Meanie Mom