Where I Sit

It's time for me to go back to work, ya'll. Seriously. I'm in need of a J-O-B.

It's not something I feel sad about, either. I mean, don't get me wrong. It's not ideal. We have 4 kids who at the very least, need someone to drive them to and from school and other various activities. This is a huge factor in the whole "going back to work" scenario- what we're going to do with the kids. Then there's the fact that Roo is still so little. It literally, and I mean lit. er. al. ly hurts my heart to think about putting her in daycare.

However, we're not making it anymore. We were making it, and now we're not. Somewhere, somehow, the 6 person household has caught up to us and it is now time for me to get out there and earn my bacon. And while it's stressful looking for a job, I have to say that I am looking forward to rejoining the work force and using my brain for something more than writing out a grocery list.

I remember a conversation I had with the office secretary at the school I used to teach at years ago. It was about a week before I left work to have J. We were talking about me becoming a SAH mom and I voiced a fear I had about getting bored at home all day. She kind of laughed and quickly assured me that I'd have enough on my plate taking care of a 2 year old and a newborn. What I responded with was probably the most foresightful thing that's ever come out of my mouth. I told her, "Yeah, but just because you're busy doesn't necessarily mean you're not bored."

Word.

Anyway, I guess with all this that it's kind of natural for me to be thinking about things like destiny, my heart desires, happiness- you know..... lofty things. Things that have nothing to do with paying the bills and putting food on the table, but everything to do with seizing the opportunity right now to search and hope for something that's ideal. Ideal for me, and ideal for my family. Something that'll make me happy. That's when a certain book title popped into my head.

It's actually a book I've never read. It was just something I saw in my college bookstore and heard things about. It's one of those self-discovery books that talks about chakras and other stuff that I've always tried to be interested in (but never quite succeeded). It's called Seat of the Soul. That's all I know about it, but for some reason those words are what I come back to when I'm thinking about what I want to do in life. It sounds corny and as crunchy granola hippy-sh as you can get, but asking myself "Where does my soul sit?" feels like the perfect way to articulate to myself what it is I really want to know. In other words, where do I feel comfortable? Where do I feel connected?

Where do I sit?

I can tell you one thing. It ain't by the accountants.

Or the scientists. Or the bankers. Or by anyone who likes math, logic, or numbers.

I used to sit with educators. They're a good group. I've realized though that what I really enjoy about teaching is the creative side of designing lessons plans. My class always did a lot of hands on learning. I loved using manipulatives and I loved doing art projects. I loved collaborating ideas with other teachers. The dealing with parents, administration, state testing, discipline problems, and special ed concerns? Eh. Not my strong point.

So do I know where I sit? Nope. Not yet. I may not find out for a long time. Or I may find out and then have it change on me. But for now I'm pretty sure it has something to do with books. Or writing. I'm with the people who like the smell of old paper. They like rainy days and wet window panes and just cozy atmospheres in general. They like moods and music that matches moods perfectly. They like discussions. They like thinking. They like to create things, but on a long term basis. They're into art and photography. They're not necessarily adventurers-they're more like quiet observers.

Sadly, none of what I just wrote describes any kind of job (unless being retired in the rainy Northwest region counts as a job). In fact, I just reread what I wrote, and I'm pretty sure it's a load of crap. But whatever. One person's load of crap is another person's start.

I don't think that even makes sense.

Anyway.

Maybe a librarian in an elementary school? Or an owner of a bookstore.... like the one Meg Ryan owns in You've Got Mail. I could spend my days in a place like that and feel like I was sitting in exactly the right spot.

Until then, my sis' husband gave me a lead on a job he knows of at Marriott: Beverage Cart Girl. I'd be driving a golf cart and serving up beer to golfers on the course.

For minimum wage. Plus tips.

I could sit there for a while.

I guess.

You all have a good night!