Stepmom

That's a movie I won't be watching anytime soon. It's nothing against Julia Roberts and Susan Sarandon, it's just that right now there's a few too many parallels between that movie and our life around here lately.

My stepson's mom is dying from a brain tumor. She's been dealing with these tumors since she was 23. She is now 36. Back when she was originally diagnosed, they told her 5 years tops. She was in remission by year 3. The tumor came back about 4 years later, they did another surgery and some more rounds of chemo, and again, she was better. Repeatedly, she has beat the odds with a lot of stubborn determination, and as she has said, all for 9.

I'm not talking her up because she's dying. I freely admit that I have not always liked Michelle. Mr. C could not have married two women who were on more opposite ends of the mothering spectrum (and general way of life) than me and her. I am all about schedules and routines, she is always on Maui time. My kids started having small chores once they were capable; 9 had no chores or responsibilities at his mom's house beyond doing his homework. The problem wasn't so much that one way was better or worse than the other, it was just that trying to raise a child with 2 sets of opposite expectations presented a lot of problems. I used to be insanely jealous of my friends who had husbands who weren't married before, who didn't have to take an ex-wife into consideration when making vacation plans, or any plans for that matter. I didn't have a lot of patience to teach 9 how to make his own breakfast and put his own laundry away, because I felt like it was stuff he should already know and at the time I felt that it wasn't my job to teach him this! In hindsight, there was a lot of resentment that I had for his mom that was misdirected onto him.

But that's all stuff from the past. We've grown as a family and I've worked through a lot of these issues. People told me when I married Mr. C that it wasn't going to be easy being a stepmom. I knew this. But knowing and doing are two different things and it took a lot of years. Things are still far from perfect, but they're better.
Right in time for things not to be better at his mom's.

She had a big seizure last spring. She has no memory of this, but she called Mr. C and spent a good half hour on the phone with him telling him everything that she wanted 9 to know and do. She knew that things were going to be different this time going into the hospital. And even with this, she still defied the doctor's diagnosis'. She learned to walk again in a few weeks. She even walked all the way up to our door to pick up 9 on her way home from the hospital. That was the last time I talked to her in person. She was very proud of herself and positive. That's the thing about Michelle. She is a positive person. As different as we are, as much as we had issues with each other, we have always been able to be friendly and polite. We have only gotten into one confrontation, and it wasn't too ugly. We were able to act for the most part, like adults through it. The biggest thing I owe to her, the absolute biggest, is that when Mr. C and I got married she hand delivered a card to me with a sweet message inside telling me how happy she was that I was going to be in 9's life. That's huge, for a mom to welcome another woman into her son's life. That takes a big person. If I was going to go say goodbye to her, that would be the one thing that I would let her know; how much that was appreciated.

She's got days, maybe only hours left. I'm probably not going to go say goodbye to her. Life is not like in the movies. As her ex-husband's wife, I don't know how welcome I'd be in her home among her grieving family. But 9 told his dad last night that it's his wish for Mr.C to go and say goodbye. I'm glad he asked for that. So I just asked Mr. C to pass along that message for me.

As for 9, he's inherited his mom's positive attitude and he's not quite sure what to do with her not get better. He's hanging in there though. I feel very proud of him right now. Also, I'm not sure how prayers work but I know that they are, because after years of being closed lipped about her cancer, he sat down last night and opened up to Mr. C. They talked for hours.

For Michelle, I would just like to say she's a mother. As different as we are, that's something that binds us all and gives us a sense of comraderie. When we hear of a mom who's died and had to leave a child behind, we all feel it in our hearts. So I ask you to keep 9 in your thoughts and prayers. I appreciate it, and I know Michelle would too.

Good night!