Syrup Bottles Have Feelings Too

A while ago I was at my parents' house for some kind of holiday gathering. I was talking to one of my sisters when Princess G came up with a play teacup. She handed me the empty vessel full of pretend tea, and said "Here mommy. Have some tea." I graciously accepted the cup and watched Princess G as she walked away. I then proceeded to carry on a serious conversation with my sister while lifting the empty teacup to my lips again and again, obliviously acting out an unnecessary charade. I'd say that a good 3 minutes had passed before I first noticed the wry smile on my sister's face. As she and I proceeded to laugh hard enough to make us pee (cuz who else but a sister is going to laugh like that with you after such a dumb moment?) I realized that there are behaviors and acts that us mothers do everyday that, if done by otherwise "normal" people, would be cause to commit one to an insane asylum.

I'll tell you some of mine if you tell me some of yours.

Here's my top 5:

1) I make Mrs. Butterworth "talk" to my kids. They love it. She sounds a lot like Mrs. Doubtfire and calls them things like "Dearie" and "Sweetums". The other day they used up the last of her syrup and she begged and pleaded with them not to throw her in the garbage can. This, of course, made them overly excited to do just that, and I spent the rest of the day squeaking out little pleas of "Oh, please you naughty naughty child! Help me!" whenever someone opened the cupboard door to where we keep our kitchen trash. The 3 year old especially loved this.

2) Once, after catching my kids with their fingers up their noses one too many times, I tried to gross them out by telling them that boogers were leaky brain juice that got mixed with dirt. That's not the bad part. The bad part is that later, after they went to bed, I actually got on the internet and researched how boogers were made just because I started thinking that my theory kinda sounded good and I wanted to see if there was any truth to my lie. (fyi- I wasn't that off the mark.)

3) I squirted breastmilk in my baby's eye to get rid of her pinkeye. On purpose.

4) Several times a year, under the guise of talking to Santa, the Easter Bunny, or an occasional grandparent, I will pick up a phone and tattle on my kids' behavior to a dial tone. I have very long, in depth conversations with the dial tone about how I'm just very sad at the bad choice my child has made, and I'm so confused because I know they know better. Alas, my guilt trip is usually cut short by operator asking me if I'd like to make a call.

5) I confess to actually spending time thinking about what each of the Imagination Movers would be like in bed. I'm thinking it'd be wise to steer clear of Scott (Too much of a goofball= insecure and overly anxious to please. Plus, I'm scared of what he'd see with the Wobble Goggles). Personally, I'd go with either Dave (he's the jack-of-all-trades on the show- hard to go wrong with that) or Smitty (def the less attractive of the bunch, but maybe full of surprises?).

Anyway. That last one is real embarrassing. If you see me in public, please don't ever bring it up.

I'm hoping this is the kind of post people can relate to. Do you guys do crazy things for or because of your children? Please say yes, because if not, it just may be that the next post I write will be coming to you straight from the looney bin.

You all have a good night!