I think I'm messing up the Santa thing for my kids. Some of you may remember two years ago when I wrote about abusing the Power of Santa. Well, I'm still abusing the power. Oh yes. I am abusing that power all over town. And now I think I've gone too far. As in, I'm pretty sure that me and Santa are finito.
Let me explain a little. I thought I was using Santa the same way all you other parents use Santa. Now I wonder. It's like....have you ever watched a kid playing a soccer game when he gets the ball and starts taking it the wrong way down the field? And then he kicks it in the goal and scores for the other team, but he still doesn't know it? And then when he turns around you watch as the joy of domination, then confusion, and finally deflation play across his face in just a few split seconds?
That's me with the Santa thing. Consider the ball the Power of Santa, and I'm just kicking it down the field, feeling all great about participating in a cultural tradition, and then something'll happen and I'll stop and say to myself, "I don't think this happens in other families."
For example, do other parents pull out their phones in the middle of their kids' tantrums and tell them that they're going to take a picture of them and email it to Santa?
This is J, in the midst of a serious fit trying to hide from my camera. He reminds me of a criminal in a high profile case when they're try to hide from the media on their way to opening arguments.
Do other kids believe that Jesus, God, and Santa Claus conspire together like some kind of Big Brother Holy Trinity? Mine do. They took what they learned in church about God being everywhere, and combined that with "He sees you when you're sleeping, he knows when you're awake"and drew their own conclusions.
Here's the final nail in my coffin of guilt. I almost don't want to write it because it's terrible. Think of it as a confession, and next time you make a terrible parenting mistake, you can remember this and say to yourself "AT LEAST I DIDN'T DO WHAT THAT MEANIE TACY DID!" You'll instantly feel better. You can even consider this my present to you- a guilt absolver. Just what every parent needs. Merry Christmas.
Okay. Here goes.
A couple of weeks ago a friend of mine passed around a website that makes personalized messages for kids from Santa. The parent logs on, inputs their child's name, age, grade in school, city of residence, gift wish, uploads a picture, and then they have the choice of clicking on whether their child has been naughty or nice.
Well.
It had been a particularly rough day with J. I was feeling tired, cranky, and a little bit vengeful. So you know what I did. I hit "naughty" and then "send".
That's not the part I feel bad about.
The next day, Santa sent J a message. He was ecstatic. He sat on my lap while I opened the link and hit "play". He loved seeing Santa on the screen talking exclusively to him. He was amazed to see his picture in Santa's book. He was happy to hear that Santa got his letter and that he knew J wanted a 3DS.
Then Santa told his elves to go get J's file so he could see if he was on the naughty or nice list. J leaned forward in anticipation. The elves went to some machine and typed in J's name, and the machine whirred to life. Right when I started having second thoughts about this whole thing, red lights flashed and the elves exchanged some concerned glances. Santa raised his eyebrows and looked straight into the computer screen at J, whose fingers went nervously to his mouth. Santa very gently told J that there was still time and that he knew that in the next week J could be a good enough boy to get on the nice list. J looked at me and incredulously asked "I'm not on the nice list???"
That's not the bad part either.
After telling him that Santa didn't exactly say that he was on the naughty list, and that there was still time for him to get himself on the nice list, and blah blah blah he got off my lap and said "I don't like that video, mom."
Then he wet his bed that night.
That's the part I feel bad about. I made him believe that he was on the naughty list, and it's bothered him so much that he reverted to bed wetting.
All this makes me wonder...what kind of mind games am I playing on my kids? Seriously guys, this Santa stuff is whacked. I've lost count of the number of lies I tell every day to explain holes in the Santa myth (For example, Roo asked me the other day why Santa can't remember her name and what she wants for Christmas. You see, we've met at least 5 different Santas over the season at various parties and festivities, and every time a Santa asks her "What's your name little girl?" I can tell that she's thinking "Don't you KNOW by now????")
I know people say that Santa is supposed to be the embodiment of the spirit of giving, and I like that EXCEPT for the fact that it's a metaphor and kids don't get metaphors. For them, Santa is about presents and reindeer, and the North Pole, and all the other stuff we tell them- and then we attach their behavior to it as leverage. I can't make it sit right with me. For those of you who do Santa the right way- who get it- who can make it a good fun part of the holidays for your family, I'm envious. Keep on keeping on is what I say. For me though, I've decided that I'm no good at this game. I understand now that the Power of Santa comes with a lot of responsibility, and just as irresponsible people should not be allowed to drive a car, some people just shouldn't be allowed to use the Power of Santa. I'm one of them. I'm turning in my license.
My friend wrote on Facebook that "A child's faith is fragile." I've thought a lot about that and decided that I don't want to mess with that. I'd rather have my kids, especially J (who I know I've written about a lot this year, but it's because his 5th year has given me lots of material to work with) be their naughty selves and I'll deal with it the old fashioned way- with consistency, as much patience as I can muster, and wine. Lots o' wine.
*By the way, this doesn't mean that I'm going to tell them that Santa isn't real. I'll ride this train out, but I'm avoiding the naughty or nice thing as much as possible.
As far as J goes, this morning we were reading a story about how Rudolph helps Santa, and the story asked "Wouldn't you help Santa if you given the opportunity?" to which J rolled his eyes and replied, "If he took me off the naughty list I would."
*Sigh.*
I have a ways to go with him, but I have to admit, his criminal mind amuses me.
Merry Christmas, you guys!
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