Another Reason To Love Boobs

So, I had a totally weird Monday. And against all of my better judgment, I am going to share it with you here. I'm giving you fair warning however, this post is not for the faint of heart. Or the modest. So if either of those traits describe you, you should definitely leave... like, now.

Allright.

It all started out innocently enough. Both my girls woke up this morning with bright red goopy eyes. If my 5 years of teaching in the public school system has taught me nothing else, I have learned how to spot a case of pink eye from a mile away. (Which is where I wished I was as I spent the first hour of the morning wrestling the baby to the ground with a warm washcloth in my hand attempting to unglue her lashes.)
Anyway, before I left to take J to school I logged into Facebook and updated my status to let the world know that my girls "had eyes as red as candy canes." You know, just a silly little mommy update with a clever holiday reference thrown in there to make myself feel clever. I thought nothing of it (as you can see by all the ways I just described my cleverness).

When I came back, I logged in again and had a few comments. The first few were just nice "been there, that sucks" comments. But then a friend wrote that breastmilk is a sure cure for pink eye. "Surely she jests?" I thought and jokingly wrote back, "What? Am I suppose to squirt it in their eyes?"
Well, apparently that is exactly what I was supposed to do. I began to receive an avalanche of comments. (Well, okay. 21 comments. But on my little page, that's like an avalanche.) To my total surprise, I have friends who've heard of this weird remedy and they all swore by it. A ton of my friends were curious. 1 friend was totally disgusted. But they all asked for me to keep them posted.

Honestly, I started getting nervous because I could totally see the whole thing going the way of a prank that high school Mean Girls would play on dweeby Freshman girls. "Yeah, go ahead!" they'd all say. "Squirt breastmilk into your baby's eyes! We're so curious!" And then they'd laugh and point their fingers at me if I ever actually went through with it.

Besides, there were so many reasons not to do it. A) It's just weird
B) I haven't nursed Baby Roo in months. I knew there wouldn't be any real
"squirting" action. I did, however, still have some ahem- "supplies", low
though they may have been.
C) It's just weird.

But the day wore on. The doctor's office had still not called in the prescription to the pharmacy and it was getting to be 3-o-clock. It was breaking my heart to see Baby Roo's big blue eyes all bloodshot and crusty. The 5 year old had already made it crystal clear that she would not be a guinea pig in this little experiement. This actually made me happy, as it would have worried me more if she responded with enthusiasm to the idea.

Anyway....listen up ladies, cuz here's your update:

Around 3:30 I caved. I sat in my glider and tried to remember what the Nipple Nazis-aka La Leche League- told me to do to bring in milk. It took a while, but I finally managed to collect a grand total of about a teaspoon in a tupperware container. Tres classy.
And seriously? I think my last mammogram involved less squishing and mashing.

Anyway, after that I went and got the medicine dropper. For the second time that day, I wrestled Baby Roo to the ground and managed to squeeze in a couple of drops. Then I put her and her milky eyeballs to bed.

You're laughing at me and pointing your finger, aren't you? I know you are. I'd say that I deserve it, but.....THE LAST LAUGH IS ON YOU CUZ SHE WOKE UP WITH NO GOOP!
I am not kidding! There is something to this breastmilk cure! Her eyes are still red, but it's significantly better than it was.

Now, those of you who were pro-squirt, don't get too excited because both Roo and PG are now being treated with the Vigamox that finally got called into the pharmacy. There will be no more boob mashing. But I am totally impressed. I have nothing bad to say about the breastmilk cure. Except that Roo's eyes did kinda stink like sour milk the whole evening.

And for those of you laughing at me and shaking your head, I guess I don't blame you. As one of my friends wrote, this is one of those things that you would never believe you'd ever find yourself discussing or doing prior to motherhood. Yet, here we are. And hey, people do stranger things. This mommy blogger loves to use nipple cream as a lip gloss. That's way worse, right? Right?

You all have a good night.