Idiotic Conversations Mr. C and I Had Before We Had a Ton of Kids

If I had a time machine at my disposal, I would go back in time to 2003.  2003 is when this house was being built.  2003 is also when Mr. C and I had the following idiotic conversation:

Me:  Ooooooh!  We have money for a little upgrade!  What should we do?
Mr. C:  How about we tile the entire great room area?
Me:  Fabulous!  What color should we get?
Mr. C:  White!  That won't be hard to keep clean at all!  And that empty field of dust that is behind our property?  I'm sure it'll never blow dirt into our home!  Plus, our future children will be born with a special gene that will prevent them from carelessly dropping food or questionable matter all over the floor! You won't ever have to sweep 3 times a day!
Me:  I love it!  And you know what?  I bet our future pets will probably never shed all over it!  Also, if we have a particularly hateful feline in the future, tile is an exceptionally wonderful choice for us because when she pukes up hairballs, I'm sure she'll be polite enough to do it on the tile where it's easier to clean!
Mr. C:  I just thought of something else!  If by chance our future dogs happen to be drooly animals, we'll never slip or slide in puddles of it all over our tile floor!
Me:  Oh my gosh!  You're right!  We are so smart for choosing to cover over half of our home in ceramic white tile!  I was thinking about maybe using the upgrade money towards classy granite countertops in the kitchen and bathroom, but this is a much smarter choice!

Okay, obviously that's not how the real conversation went, but you get my point.  We weren't just stupid.  We were like, Snookie stupid.

However, I believe that I may have discovered a way to gain back my sanity and keep the floors clean:

Have you seen one of these before?  Aren't they cute?  It's a robot- (like Jetson's style) officially known as a Roomba.  I'm sure you've seen them.  They've been around a while.  And ever since my friend informed me that she loves hers so much that she'd name her next kid after it, I want one.  I want one bad.  I want one so bad that I even did some math to figure out exactly how much my life would improve if I had one of these.

So the tile floor space in my home is approximately 900 square feet.  Each tile itself is 1 square foot, so that means I'm sweeping/mopping over 900 tiles a day.  Then you have to add in the approximately 400 square feet of tile that is in the kitchen area that is getting cleaned an additional 2 more times a day, which means that I am cleaning about 1700 tiles a day. Now, say that every time I sweep, I feel 50% annoyed, 20% bored, 30% frustrated.  (Which could be how you're feeling right now reading this).  It would follow that each individual tile is responsible for .058% of my negative energy.   From that I came up with the following formula:

Let x= the number of tiles and y=hours spent cleaning the floors

y(.058x)= grumpy annoyed mother

However, with a Roomba, y=0 because I personally would not be spending any hours cleaning my floors.  Therefore, 

y(.058x)= delirioiusly happy mother who now has time to spend on Pinterest.com 

You can see that mathematically, my happiness factor increases when I have a Roomba.  

(Now would be a good time for you to forget that I am a tutor.  No one check my math please.  Also, for you nerds out there, I am aware that if y really did equal 0, the answer to the equation would be "no solution".  But that didn't work with what I'm doing here, so go stick it in your pocket protector.)

Also, Mr.C read over this and suggested that I square the second half of the inequality to represent his happiness factor because you know what they say.... when mama ain't happy, ain't nobody happy.  

And a Roomba would make this mama happy.   

Have a good day!

P.S- I think internet laws require that I mention that no one from the Roomba company is paying me to write this.  I do not own a Roomba, nor am I endorsing them.  I am merely stating that if I don't come into possession of a Roomba sometime soon, I will be in danger of fallen into a deeply depressed state.)

*disclaimer #2- I realized that me hating the floors in my well-insulated, electrically-outfitted home that comes with plumbing is a first world issue.  I assure you that, despite my rant, I am grateful for what I have- although to be honest, a home with a dirt floor doesn't sound half bad.  

  

Oh, calm down!  I'm kidding!  

Kind of .  

Seriously, though.  At least I wouldn't have to keep it clean!

KIDDING!  I'm going now.  

Bye.