Come, Sit on My Imaginary Sofa

This has been our living room since the end of August.  Two patio chairs, a kid table, a dog bed, and then nothing but big, big empty space.  I posted a pic a few weeks ago of Roo watching The Love Boat while sitting in one of the beach chairs.  A friend commented that she thought that this was on purpose to enhance the whole ambience of the show.  Um, no.  It's just the current level of glamour this household has been living at for the last two months.

I'm sure you're asking the logical question: where's the couch? To which I would answer, "Where, indeed?"

We are experiencing a bit of a couch fiasco.

In August, we decided to buy a new couch.  The one we had was used, and though it had served us and it's previous family well, cushions were sagging, threads were fraying, and it was generally looking a little sad.  It didn't help that the kids had a habit of constantly leaning over the back cushions to speak with me in the kitchen- so much so that the chaise cushion ended up permanently squashed into a forty five degree angle. I don't know which bothered me more- the wonky cushions or me, having to constantly exclaim "STOP LEANING OVER THE COUCH!!!".

Probably the latter.

Anyway.  We went down to a local furniture store, found a set we loved and bought it.  Delivery was set for 5 days in the future.  We came home, put our old couch on Craigslist, sold it promptly, and waited for the delivery of the new couch.

It came, but it wasn't what we expected.  We thought we were buying a living room set (because that's how it was advertised) and we thought that set included a recliner (because that recliner was sitting with the set), but when it came, we only received two pieces of furniture- no recliner (because we had not yet learned our lesson about reading small print carefully. Lesson is now learned.)

So, with some minor arguing, that set went back and we were refunded.  Back to square one, we drove out of town to a furniture store in Rancho Cucamonga and bought a new set.  It was to be delivered in 2 weeks.

Well.  I'm not going to bore you with the details, but two weeks came and went.  Then three. We called, got one story, called a few days later, got a different story, and the bottom line is that I received a phone call a few days ago (the first from them, up to that point we had to call them to track down our couch).  The gentleman informed me that the couch's delivery date was being moved up another few weeks  and that we weren't likely to receive it until the end of the month.

Friends.  When I am upset, there are two likely outcomes with me.  I will either remain polite and the offending party will have no idea that I'm angry with them, or I will completely loose it and hop a train to crazy town.  I wish I knew how to behave somewhere in the middle there, because I would love for people to know that I'm angry without also thinking that I'm nuts, but I've never been able to manage that.

So, upon hearing this news, I was quiet for a moment.  Then I very calmly asked him if he was kidding. He replied that he was sorry, he wasn't.  And that's when the pudding went to poop.  I started screeching something about customer service and demanded to know why a couch that was supposed to take 2 weeks is ending up taking eight weeks, and how we have a big empty hole in our living room.

And that's when I did something completely insane.

I saw that big hole in our living room and had a little glimmer of spiteful inspiration. The little voice in my head whispered "Yes! Say it!", and the next thing I knew, in my very most indignant voice, these words were coming out of my mouth: "I am having a party here in a few weeks.  A party... And there is a giant hole in my living room where a couch is supposed to be!  Where are my guests going to sit?"

You guys.  I am a ridiculous person.  There is no party. I made it up.  I was yelling at this customer service agent about how my imaginary guests are not going to have a place to sit at my imaginary party because......I don't know.  Maybe I was hoping that he'd think "Oh no!  She's having a party without a couch and it's all my company's fault!  Something should be done to get her couch to her sooner!"

But of course that didn't happen, and I got even more ridiculous. "Do you know what?  Do you KNOW what? When my guests are over here and we're all staring at the big empty space where the sofa should be, I am going to tell them all about this place and the terrible experience we've had with you!  All THIRTY FIVE of my guests will know exactly who is responsible for us not having a couch!"

That's right.  Out of my lips (surprising even me) came an exact number of imaginary guests. Thirty five.  Hmm.  Nice number.  Mostly couples, likely, with a few singles mixed in.  We'll all wear cocktail attire.  For some reason, I fancy the women accessorizing with those long cigarette holders.  Everyone can stand about posing with their martini glasses, clucking their tongues and staring at the spot where my couch should be while soft jazz music plays in the background.

Then they'll all go home and write on their imaginary social media accounts about how absolutely awful the furniture company is and then their imaginary friends will read it and pass it on, until it all gets back to this furniture company.  They'll have no choice but to give me my couch immediately because they have to save face since the whole world knows what a disaster they are.

You see?  It pays to have friends in imaginary places.

Except no, not really.

The customer service agent was completely unimpressed with my fantastical claim.  He just asked me in a bored voice if I wanted him to cancel the order so a refund could be issued.  With my rant over, I felt somewhat deflated.  I told him that I'd have to discuss it with my husband and that I'd call him back.

It's been three days and I haven't called them back because, ugh.  I don't want to deal with waiting for a refund.  I don't want to go out and look at more couches.  I don't want to wait for another delivery from another store that may turn out to be just as bad as this one.  I also don't want to be without a couch for another month.

So, with all that said, does anyone know of a reliable furniture store that is not likely to hold a sectional hostage for weeks on end?  Do good companies even exist anymore? I'm starting to wonder if good, honest stores are just a figment of my imagination.

Let me know your thoughts.