Taking Control of the Beast

There's an expression I've gotten fond of using while working with my tutoring clients.  When they express to me their dislike/annoyance/absolute soul-wrenching-hatred for a concept or task, I tell them that they've got to reach out and "take control of the beast."  The ones who are old enough to get the metaphor tend to roll their eyes at me.  The ones who are too young and literal get wide eyed and nervously ask where is this beast to which I am referring.

I love messing with them.

Kidding.  Anyway, here's an example of what I'm talking about.  I have a client with whom I've been working four years.  He's a freshman in high school now and he HATES fractions (which seems to be the normal reaction to fractions amongst my group of clients).  And though every year that we've worked together, fractions continue to make an appearance in his math classes, every year he gets upset and nervous whenever we have to work a problem with fractions in it.

"Uh, what's that doing there?"he'll ask, referring to the fraction that showed up in a linear inequality.  He's eyeing it like one would eye a cockroach that shows up for a dinner party.

I reply in a calm, soothing voice.  "It's a fraction.  I told you, they don't go away.  But it's okay, you know how to do this."

"No!  No I don't!" He's freaking out, which he does once or twice a lesson.  "I've never seen this before in my life."  I push away the urge to bang my head against the table because working with someone with severe ADD is sometimes like working with Dory from Nemo.  We've done fractions in one way or another since he was in 5th grade. I can almost feel the hairs on my scalp turning gray as he's swearing complete ignorance of fractions.

Instead I raise my eyebrows and tell him "You've got to stop being afraid of fractions.  Every time we come across one, you only want to know enough to get you through the problem.  You've got to reach out and take control of the beast, man!  Only then will you be released from your fear and power and mastery will be yours, all yours!"

Yes, I really am that dorky with my clients.  They love it.  (At least the cool ones do.)

Anyway, it didn't happen with that lesson, but he did eventually change his mindset about fractions.  I think when I named "fear" as the reason fractions were so hard for him, he realized that he wasn't powerless.  It helped that fourteen year old boys don't like to be told that they are scared of something.  I used that knowledge to my full advantage.

In using that expression with my clients, I've also realized how much it applies to life in general.  How many tasks do we procrastinate on because they feel overwhelming?  For one reason or another, we're afraid of the issue and we learn to cope around it.  This works for a while, but the problem is that the real issue never goes away.  It hangs around like a little monkey on our back, creating chaos and unrest in our lives.

Probably like you, I have more than a few beasts.  Some of them are really small.... things like cleaning the bathrooms.  I usually avoid that beast for as long as I can, (at least until it becomes clear that we're violating health codes).  That beast is the worst, especially because it keeps coming back every week.

And then there's my big beast- the one I've been ignoring for a while: what am I going to do with my life beyond the kids?  I have a college degree and a teaching credential.  When I left the classroom right before I had J, I did it with every intention of going back someday.  But now.... I don't know.

When I was a young girl, I wanted to be a writer.  I have always felt that that's what I'm supposed to be doing.  This blog is a half-hearted attempt at doing something about that goal.  Yet, I haven't pursued anything beyond that.  I've written stories that I never submit, and I only share my post with my Facebook friends because it's safe.  Though I have friends and acquaintances who tell me that my writing is good, I doubt them and wonder about the people who don't say anything.  I listen to all my own insecurities, believe them, and take little action towards my dream, all because I'm afraid.  

So, the point of me being embarrassingly vulnerable right now and telling you all this is that I'm going to be make some changes to this blog.  I don't know what those changes are going to be.  I may be changing the formatting and marketing this blog in more forums.  Or, I may be shutting this blog down completely and turning MeanieMom into a book (although with a different title because truth be told, I have never really like the name of the blog).

Either way, what's important is not necessarily that I'm successful in either attempt.  Success would be nice, but it's not my main priority.  I just want to tame this beast.  It's been on my back too long, and I want to do something about it.  You readers, my little Facebook family, have been so wonderful to me.  When I say thanks for reading, it's such an understatement, because every time you all leave a comment, or even just "like" a post, it gives me validation.  Some people will say that one shouldn't need validation from others to feel good about their work, but in this case, that's BS.  Writers write to be read.  You read my stuff.  I feel like a writer.  Thank you.

So have a good weekend, guys.  Get out there and tame your own beasts.  Or, you know, just relax, enjoy your weekend and worry about the beast on Monday.  Whatever you want.  I love you all either way.